Information
| Year: | 1980 |
| Rating: | 7.3(35396) |
| Listed in: | Comedy, Sport |
| Directed by: | Harold Ramis |
| Actors: | Chevy Chase Rodney Dangerfield Ted Knight Michael O'Keefe Bill Murray Sarah Holcomb |
| "Some People Just Don't Belong." | |
Cast
| Directed by | |
|---|---|
| Harold Ramis | |
| Actors | |
| Chevy Chase | as Ty Webb |
| Rodney Dangerfield | as Al Czervik |
| Ted Knight | as Judge Elihu Smails |
| Michael O'Keefe | as Danny Noonan |
| Bill Murray | as Carl Spackler |
| Scott Colomby | as Tony D'Annunzio |
| Dan Resin | as Dr. Beeper |
| Henry Wilcoxon | as The Bishop |
| Albert Salmi | as Mr. Noonan |
| Brian Doyle-Murray | as Lou Loomis |
| Hamilton Mitchell | as Motormouth |
| Peter Berkrot | as Angie D'Annunzio |
| John F. Barmon Jr. | as Spaulding Smails |
| Brian McConnachie | as Drew Scott |
| Scott Powell | as Gatsby |
| Scott Sudden | as Richard Richards |
| Jackie Davis | as Smoke Porterhouse |
| Thomas A. Carlin | as Sandy McFiddish |
| Kenneth Burritt | as Mr. Havercamp |
| Scott Jackson | as Chuck Schick |
| Ron Frank | as Pat Noonan |
| Tony Gulliver | as Ray (Old Caddy) |
| Marcus Breece | as Lifeguard |
| Mark Chiriboga | as Terry the Hippie |
| Fred Buch | as Angry Husband |
| Frank Schuller | as Charlie the Cook |
| Mel Pape | as Butler |
| Bruce McLaughlin | as Old Crony |
| Dennis McCormack | as Dennis Noonan |
| Dr. Dow | as Mr. Wang |
| James Hotchkiss | as Old Crony |
| Douglas Kenney | as Al Czervik's dinner guest |
| John Murray | as Caddy |
| Ted Swanson | as Golf Pro |
| Actresses | |
| Sarah Holcomb | as Maggie O'Hooligan |
| Cindy Morgan | as Lacey Underall |
| Elaine Aiken | as Mrs. Noonan |
| Ann Ryerson | as Grace |
| Lois Kibbee | as Mrs. Smails |
| Ann Crilley | as Suki |
| Cordis Heard | as Wally |
| Minerva Scelza | as Joey D'Annunzio |
| Rebecca Burritt | as Mrs. Havercamp |
| Bobbie Kosstrin | as Noble Noyes |
| Patricia Wilcox | as Nancy Noonan |
| Debi Frank | as Kathleen Noonan |
| Kim Bordeaux | as Pre-deb |
| Lori Lowe | as Pre-deb |
| Marge McKenna | as Lady on Boat |
| Violet Ramis | as Noonan Child |
| Judy Arman | as Beeper's Girlfriend |
| Paige Coffman | as Little Girl at Pool |
| Donna M. Wiggin | as Woman at Pool |
| Debbie Howard | as Bathing Suit Girl |
| Anna Upstrom | as Blonde Bombshell |
Movie info
| Languages: | English |
| Filming dates: | October 1979 - December 1979 |
| Budget: | USD 6,000,000 |
| Gross: |
USA - 3,142,689 USD (27 July 1980) |
| Plot: | A millionaire wants to turn a golf course into a new property development, but the president of the golf club doesn't like the idea. This is the basic 'plot' which hides behind the many antics of the employees and players on the golf course. |
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Original Soundtracks
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"I'm Alright" Written by Kenny Loggins Recorded by Kenny Loggins Courtesy of Columbia Records "Lead the Way" Lyrics by Kenny Loggins and Eva Ein Music by Kenny Loggins Recorded by Kenny Loggins Courtesy of Columbia Records "Mr. Night" Lyrics by Kenny Loggins & Richard Stekol Music by Kenny Loggins Recorded by Kenny Loggins Courtesy of Columbia Records "Something on Your Mind" Written by Hilly Michaels and Morgan Walker Performed by Hilly Michaels Courtesy of Warner Bros. Records, Inc. "There She Goes" Written by Paul Collins Performed by The Beat Courtesy of Columbia Records "Anyway You Want It" Written by Steve Perry & Neal Schon (as Neil Schon) Performed by Journey Courtesy of Columbia Records "Summertime Blues" Written by Eddie Cochran and Jerry Capehart Recorded by Eddie Cochran Courtesy of Liberty/United Records "Boogie Wonderland" Written by Jon Lind and Allee Willis Performed by Earth Wind & Fire and The Emotions "Ballad of the Green Berets" Music by Robin Moore Lyrics by Barry Sadler (as Ssgt. Barry Sadler) Performed by Bill Murray "Waltz of the Flowers" from "The Nutcracker" Written by Pyotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky "The Gold Diggers' Song (We're in the Money)" (uncredited) Music by Harry Warren Played when the car horn sounds |
Goofs
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Continuity: Danny's mother leaves the bedroom twice. Continuity: The golf clubs that Ty spills vanish by the time that Danny takes his shot. Continuity: Sweat on Al's shirt after he talks about the condos he is building. Revealing mistakes: Actual club members are watching the filming of the pool scene. You can see them at the fence during that scene. They are on the other side of the fence laughing. Continuity: When Ty is demonstrating night putting to Danny and hitting each ball in the hole, in one shot you can see the ball going past the hole, but in the close up the ball goes in the hole. FAIR: When Ty doubles the amount of the bet in the bar scene, he doubles it to 40,000 and tells Judge Smalls that his dad never liked him. Later on, Al and Ty double the amount of the bet again, to 40,000 apiece (from the previous 40,000 per team). This confused at least one viewer. Continuity: The letters on Angie's "Night Rider" shirt are reversed when he is seen sneaking between trees during the big money game. Continuity: It is supposed to be night when Carl is hunting the gopher at the party, but you can clearly see daylight behind him. Revealing mistakes: During the scene when there is a party at the club, Carl is hunting the gopher with his gun outside. He is moving from tree to tree, and you can see in the background that it is the daytime when it's supposed to be night. Continuity: When Maggie and Danny are in bed, Tony jumps up to look in the window. Each time he jumps he gets no higher than the bottom part of the window. When they show him standing outside, he is actually taller than the bottom part of the window. Continuity: When Al pays Tony for the drink at the bar, Tony accepts the money with one hand. A split second later he puts it in his pocket with the other hand. Continuity: The first time Lacey Underall appears, she is walking towards a bunch of caddies and holding a tennis racket. Moments later, she gets to the group of people and holding a golf glove. Crew: The crew and boom are reflected in the car door when the red convertible pulls up on the tee box. Continuity: Lacey's legs on the green when the Judge misses the putt and throws his club. Revealing mistakes: During the intense storm when the bishop is walking into the wind, the trees in the background are not moving. Revealing mistakes: The wake from the large boat is moving in reverse. Continuity: The size of the ears on the C4 rabbit that Carl holds up and talks to. Continuity: Judge Smails knocks a lamp off the desk, and when he walks around behind Danny we see that the lamp is no longer there. But the next shot of the desk shows the lamp back in place. Continuity: During Lou's speech after breaking up Noonan's fight, the dartboard against the back wall in the caddies' shack switches from a regular darts to whatever game is on the back. The position of the dartboard also moves. Revealing mistakes: When Lacey dives off the board during the pool scene, it's clearly a stunt double with bright blond hair. Lacey's hair is much darker. Continuity: At Carl's ramshackle house, Ty is holding a bottle by the bottom. He puts it back on the table holding it by the top. Continuity: At the end of the scene where Carl is making the clay animal explosives, he is holding a fire extinguisher in his left hand and nothing in his right. In the very last shot he is holding a clay animal explosive in both hands. Revealing mistakes: During the "illegal" game when Ty hits the ball and the bird catches it in its mouth, it is obvious that the ball the bird is holding is a wiffle ball. SYNC: When Wang is photographing the parking lot, the camera makes sounds as if it has a motor drive, but the camera clearly does not have one. Revealing mistakes: When Carl is trying to grab the gopher in his hole, you can see the wall of the "tunnel" move. SYNC: When Spalding is sneaking drinks during the dinner scene, you can see the guitar player in the background (on stage) is not in sync with the soft music the orchestra is playing. Continuity: When Judge Smails asks Danny "Are you my pal?" in his office, he's holding his hands together at his waist. The next shot, over his shoulder, he has his arms crossed at his chest, and a second later when the shot switches back to Danny's POV, they are back to his waist. Revealing mistakes: During the title sequence when the gopher tunnels across a green then pops up, you can see the trail were the ground has been prepared before it's broken. Fact errors: In the closing cast credits, Sarah Holcomb was cast as "Tony D'Annunzio" when, in actuality, it was Scott Colomby who played the part. Sarah played "Maggie O'Hooligan". (This was fixed in later releases of the film.) Continuity: When Cervik comes into the club and gets into the argument with Judge Smails and Smails tries to choke him, Smails is wearing one tie, but when they retreat to the judge's office to discuss it like adults, according to Tye Webb, and Cervik challenges the judge to play golf for money, the judge is wearing a different tie. Miscellaneous: The end credits do not feature a listing for Earth, Wind, and Fire's Boogie Wonderland. Fact errors: The end credits music listings misspell Neal Schon's first name (as "Neil.") Continuity: During the pool scene, even though it only comprises a few "film minutes," the sky goes from sunny to cloudy and back again many times. Continuity: When Tony D'Annunzio and Danny Noonan are arguing about the price of a coke, Tony's hair is obviously being blown by an unseen fan to his left - in the camera angle shot from behind Tony. In the shot from Danny's perspective - Tony's hair does not move. Fact errors: The climactic golf match is being played by "strict rules of golf." Among other things, that means there's a clock on how long you can wait for a ball to fall in the cup! If the ball is hanging on the lip, the player must strike it within ten seconds. If it falls after that, a penalty stroke is assessed. Danny's shot hangs on the lip for at least 20 seconds before the explosions dislodge it, so he should have been assessed and extra shot! Revealing mistakes: Putting scenes appear to be done on closely-mown regular grass, not real greens. BOOM: In the scene at the beginning of the "illegal" match, when Ty and Al pull up in Al's car, you can see the boom mic visible as a reflection in the car door after Ty shuts the door (and slams his fingers in it). Continuity: When Lacy walks into the foyer of Ty's house there is a Japanese screen Ty bangs his hand into. The next scene shows them walking into the den and the same Japanese screen is there too. Continuity: When Ty is getting in some night practice he is seen struggling to line up a shot under a tree and in some shrubs. He finally takes a swing but no golf ball comes out. In the next split second scene the golf ball is going through the window at Carl's shack. Continuity: Just after Ty douses Lacy with oil while giving her a massage, she exclaims "you're crazy (see trivia)," lifts her head and turns it toward Ty, totally surprised yet she is then immediately shown wither head down, facing away from Ty. Revealing mistakes: The ball the teetered on the edge of the cup on the last hole of the match was clearly not a real golf ball but a cheap hollow plastic ball. Revealing mistakes: The Baby Ruth candy bar knocked into the pool is shown floating. However, Baby Ruths do not float - they sink to the bottom. GEOG: The story supposedly takes place in Nebraska, yet there is a local yacht club with an ocean / full marina. CHAR: When Al Czervik tees off after they've upped the bet, he's teeing off with a putter. Continuity: During Lou's speech after the gumball machine incident, the ballpoint pen that is attached to the front of his shirt is relocated to a higher position - from below a button to above a button. Revealing mistakes: Right before Al Czervick (Rodney Dangerfield) picks up an enormous divot from the fairway, you can clearly see the area to be taken up by the club. Fact errors: At the beginning of the boating scene when Al takes over for his captain, he uses both hands to accelerate the two throttles of both engines of the twin-screw boat. At the end or the scene when he shuts down the engines, he only operates the lever for the port engine leaving the starboard one at full throttle. His boat would not have stopped. Continuity: During the "best game of the Old Man's life" sequence, the sky is cloudy and thunder heard regularly. But when Carl is whacking flowers with a putter, right before the game begins, a sunny sky can be seen through the trees. Continuity: When Spaulding is stealing drinks at the fancy dinner and accidentally drinks a drink with a cigarette butt in it, his bow tie is clipped to his left shirt collar. Immediately afterward, when he stumbles out the front door of the club, the bow tie is clipped on his right collar. SYNC: The infamous Gopher does not make sounds of a an actual Gopher, but a Dolphin (See Trivia). |
Quotes
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Al Czervik: Last time I saw a mouth like that, it had a hook in it. Judge Smails: You know, you should play with Dr. Beeper and myself. I mean, he's been club champion for three years running and I'm no slouch myself. Ty Webb: Don't sell yourself short Judge, you're a tremendous slouch. [last lines] Al Czervik: Hey everybody, we're all gonna get laid. [Caddy Danny arrives among the rich in his yachting outfit] Spalding Smails: Ahoy polloi... where did you come from, a scotch ad? Ty Webb: Sure thing. Shoot, Timmy. Danny Noonan: Danny. Ty Webb: Danny. Spalding Smails: This is good stuff. I got it from a Negro. You're probably high already and you don't even know it. Sandy: I want you to kill every gophers on the golf course! Carl Spackler: Correct me if I'm wrong Sandy, but if I kill all the golfers, they're gonna lock me up and throw away the key... Sandy: Not golfers, you great fool! Gophers! The *little* *brown*, *furry* *rodents* -! Carl Spackler: We can do that; we don't even have to have a reason. All right, let's do the same thing, but with gophers -! Al Czervik: Oh, this is the worst-looking hat I ever saw. What, when you buy a hat like this I bet you get a free bowl of soup, huh? [looks at Judge Smails, who's wearing the same hat] Oh, it looks good on you though. Al Czervik: Oh, this your wife, huh? A lovely lady. Hey baby, you must've been something before electricity. Al Czervik: You're a lot of woman, you know that? Yeah, wanna make 14 dollars the hard way? Carl Spackler: He's on his final hole. He's about 455 yards away, he's gonna hit about a 2 iron I think. Carl Spackler: IT'S IN THE HOLE. Carl Spackler: Cinderella story. Outta nowhere. A former greenskeeper, now, about to become the Masters champion. It looks like a mirac... It's in the hole! It's in the hole! It's in the hole! Carl Spackler: [preparing to dynamite the gopher tunnel] In the immortal words of Jean Paul Sartre, 'Au revoir, gopher'. Al Czervik: [to his Asian companion] I hear this place is restricted, Wang, so don't tell 'em you're Jewish, okay? Danny Noonan: I haven't even told my father about the scholarship I didn't get. I'm gonna end up working in a lumberyard the rest of my life. Ty Webb: What's wrong with lumber? I own two lumberyards. Danny Noonan: I notice you don't spend too much time there. Ty Webb: I'm not quite sure where they are. Al Czervik: Hey, doll. Could you scare up another round for our table over here? And tell the cook this is low grade dog food. I've had better food at the ballgame, you know? This steak still has marks from where the jockey was hitting it. Judge Smails: It's easy to grin / When your ship comes in / And you've got the stock market beat. / But the man worthwhile, / Is the man who can smile, / When his shorts are too tight in the seat. Judge Smails: Oh Porterhouse, look at the wax build up on these shoes I want that wax stripped off there, then I want them creamed and buffed with a fine chamois, and I want them now. Chop chop. Smoke Porterhouse: Yes judge, right away judge. Carl Spackler: License to kill gophers by the government of the United Nations. Man, free to kill gophers at will. To kill, you must know your enemy, and in this case my enemy is a varmint. And a varmint will never quit - ever. They're like the Viet Cong - Varmint Cong. So you have to fall back on superior intelligence and superior firepower. And that's all she wrote. Carl Spackler: This is a hybrid. This is a cross, ah, of Bluegrass, Kentucky Bluegrass, Featherbed Bent, and Northern California Sensemilia. The amazing stuff about this is, that you can play 36 holes on it in the afternoon, take it home and just get stoned to the bejeezus-belt that night on this stuff. Carl Spackler: So I jump ship in Hong Kong and I make my way over to Tibet, and I get on as a looper at a course over in the Himalayas. Angie D'Annunzio: A looper? Carl Spackler: A looper, you know, a caddy, a looper, a jock. So, I tell them I'm a pro jock, and who do you think they give me? The Dalai Lama, himself. Twelfth son of the Lama. The flowing robes, the grace, bald... striking. So, I'm on the first tee with him. I give him the driver. He hauls off and whacks one - big hitter, the Lama - long, into a ten-thousand foot crevasse, right at the base of this glacier. Do you know what the Lama says? Gunga galunga... gunga, gunga-lagunga. So we finish the eighteenth and he's gonna stiff me. And I say, "Hey, Lama, hey, how about a little something, you know, for the effort, you know." And he says, "Oh, uh, there won't be any money, but when you die, on your deathbed, you will receive total consciousness." So I got that goin' for me, which is nice. Judge Smails: Spalding get your foot off the boat! Judge Smails: How about a Fresca? Pat Noonan: I saw that! That's about 4 dollars in change! Danny Noonan: I had a couple of burgers and some Cokes for lunch. Pat Noonan: How many Cokes? Danny Noonan: Four or five. Pat Noonan: What are you, a diabetic? Danny Noonan: I don't know! Carl Spackler: Oh Mrs. Crane, you're a little monkey woman. Yeah, you're lean, mean, and I bet you're not too far in between are ya. How'd you like to wrap your spikes around my... Ty Webb: You take drugs, Danny? Danny Noonan: Every day. Ty Webb: Good. Then what's your problem? Danny Noonan: I don't know. Ty Webb: A flute without holes, is not a flute. A donut without a hole, is a Danish. Ty Webb: Don't be obsessed with your desires Danny. The Zen philosopher Basha once wrote, 'A flute with no holes, is not a flute. A donut with no hole, is a Danish.' He was a funny guy. Ty Webb: I was born to love you / I was born to lick your face / I was born to rub you / but you were born to rub me first /... What do you say we take this out on the patio? Danny Noonan: I gotta go to college. Ty Webb: You don't have to go to college. This isn't Russia. Is this Russia? This isn't Russia. Carl Spackler: I got to get into this dude's pelt and crawl around for a few days. Who's the gopher's ally. His friends. The harmless squirrel and the friendly rabbit. Carl Spackler: This crowd has gone deadly silent, a Cinderella story outta nowhere. Former greenskeeper and now about to become the masters champion. Ty Webb: You're rather attractive for a beautiful girl with a great body. Ty Webb: Just be the ball, be the ball, be the ball. You're not being the ball Danny. Danny Noonan: It's hard when you're talking like that. Judge Smails: Ty, what did you shoot today? Ty Webb: Oh, Judge, I don't keep score. Judge Smails: Then how do you measure yourself with other golfers? Ty Webb: By height. Judge Smails: I've sentenced boys younger than you to the gas chamber. Didn't want to do it. I felt I owed it to them. Dr. Beeper: I thought you'd be the man to beat this year. Ty Webb: I guess you'll just have to keep beating yourself. Ty Webb: This your place, Carl? Carl Spackler: Yeah, whatta ya think? Ty Webb: It's really... awful. Carl Spackler: Well, I got a lot of stuff on order. You know... credit trouble. Ty Webb: Guys, don't include me in this. Al Czervik: Come on, Ty, you're an ace. Everybody knows it. Ty Webb: I don't play golf, for money, against people. Al Czervik: What are you, religious or something? Ty Webb: You might say that. [Judge Smails is taking an inordinately long time to hit his drive on the first tee, while Al Czervik waits in the next foursome] Al Czervik: While we're young. Al Czervik: What're we, waiting for these guys? Hey Whitey, where's your hat? Judge Smails: Do you mind, sir. I'm trying to tee off. Al Czervik: I'll bet you a hundred bucks you slice it into the woods. Judge Smails: Gambling is illegal at Bushwood sir, and I never slice. [Swings club, slices ball into woods] Judge Smails: *Damn*. Al Czervik: OK, you can owe me. Judge Smails: I owe you nothing. Ty Webb: Thank you very little. Al Czervik: [breaks wind at a dinner] Whoa, did somebody step on a duck? Al Czervik: He called me a baboon, he thinks I'm his wife. Lacey Underall: I bet you've got a lot of nice ties. Ty Webb: How do you mean? Lacey Underall: Would you like to tie me up with some of your ties, Ty? Lacey Underall: Who's you decorator? Bennihana? Ty Webb: No, I brought most of that stuff back with me from Vietnam. Lacey Underall: You were in the war? Ty Webb: [limping and patting his butt] No... Homo. Ty Webb: Let me just clean this up here [lift up bow and arrow] getting ready for the season. Lacey Underall: Duck? Ty Webb: No... dolphin. Judge Smails: Don't you people have homes? Judge Smails: I demand satisfaction. Al Czervik: [mocking] You demand satisfaction? Well I'll tell you what's satisfying: *cash*. I'll shoot you 18 holes for ten thousand bucks! Judge Smails: [laughs] Wha... I could beat you with one arm! Al Czervik: Well, how about teams then, for twenty thousand? You can have Dr. Frankenputz... Dr. Beeper: [mortified] I beg your pardon! Al Czervik: And I'll take Ty, here. Ty Webb: Wait a minute guys... I don't play golf... for money... against people. Judge Smails: Don't you people have jobs? Mrs. Smails: Elihu, will you come loofah my stretch marks? Judge Smails: [to Bishop Fred Pickering] Say, Fred, did you hear the one about the Jew, the Catholic, and the Colored Boy who went to heaven? Bishop: Yeah, Judge, that's a doozy. Judge Smails: Do you know what I just saw? A gopher. Do you know what gophers can do to a golf course? Groundskeeper Sandy: Aye, Sir. I think they're tunneling in from that construction site. Judge Smails: Czervik, huh. Well, I slap an injunction on them so fast it'll make their head spin. Ty Webb: You're not, you're not good, Al. You stink. Spalding Smails: I want a hamburger. No, cheeseburger. I want a hot dog. I want a milkshake. I want potato chips [gets cut off by Judge Smails] Judge Smails: You'll get nothing, and like it! Carl Spackler: Bark like a dog. Bishop: I really enjoy working with young people such as yourself down at our new Lutheran Center... Why don't you drop by sometime, eh? Danny Noonan: I've often thought of entering the Priesthood. Bishop: Oh, are you a Roman Catholic? [Danny nods] Bishop: Oh, then I'm sorry, but I'm afraid you can't come. Mrs. Smails: Bless this ship, and all who sail on her. I christen thee The Flying WASP. Groundskeeper Sandy: Carl. Damn your eyes. I told you, today is the day we change the holes. Now, do it, and no more slacking off. Carl Spackler: I'll slack you off, you fuzzy little foreigner. Danny Noonan: I planned to go to law school after I graduated, but it looks like my folks won't have enough money to put me through college. Judge Smails: Well, the world needs ditch diggers, too. Lacey Underall: [to Danny] Nice try. Al Czervik: [tees off] Four! [his ball hits Judge Smails in the crotch] I should have yelled, "Two!" Charlie the Cook: [after hearing how Al described his cooking] *Dogfood*? Judge Smails: Do you stand for *goodness*, or - for *badness*? Ty Webb: What brings you to this nape of the woods, neck of the wape; How come you're here? Lacey Underall: My uncle says you've got a screw loose. Ty Webb: Your uncle molests collies. [Tony gives his ticket to Danny who has taken over for Lou] Danny Noonan: I can't pay you. Lou has to. Tony D'Annunzio: Where is he? Danny Noonan: He's out. Tony D'Annunzio: I can see that he's out, numbnuts. [Gives Danny a dollar] Give me a coke. Danny Noonan: One coke. [gives Tony a bottle of Coke and 50 cents] Tony D'Annunzio: Hey wait a minute. That's only 50 cents. Danny Noonan: Yeah well Lou raised the price of coke he's been losing at the track. Tony D'Annunzio: Well I ain't paying no 50 cents for no coke. Danny Noonan: Oh then you ain't getting no coke. Know what I'm talking about? Lou Loomis: What's the sign say? Angie D'Annunzio: No bare feet. Lou Loomis: [picks him up by the shirt collar] What's that sign say? Angie D'Annunzio: No fighting. Lou Loomis: What's that mean? Angie D'Annunzio: No fighting. Lou Loomis: You owe me one gumball machine. What's that candy wrapper doing there? Well don't you see it? Well pick it up. Lou Loomis: I'm going to put it right on the line. There's been a lot of complaints already. Fooling around on the course, bad language, smoking grass, poor caddying. If you guys want to get fired. If you want to be replaced by golf carts, just keep it up. Spalding Smails: Turds. Judge Smails: Spaulding, how many times have I spoken to you about your language? Spalding Smails: Sorry grandpa I forgot. Judge Smails: Oh Dr. Beeper, Bishop Pickering this is my niece Lacey Underall. Lacey's mother sent her to us for the summer. Dr. Beeper: Must be a nice change from dreary old Manhattan. Lacey Underall: Yes I was really getting tired of having fun all the time. Judge Smails: Ah. Ho ho. Ha ha ha. Spalding Smails: Double turds. Judge Smails: *Spaulding*! Judge Smails: Spaulding, get dressed you're playing golf. Spalding Smails: No I'm not grandpa I'm playing tennis. Judge Smails: You're playing golf and you're going to like it. Spalding Smails: What about my asthma? Judge Smails: I'll give you asthma. Ty Webb: I'm going to give you a little advice. There's a force in the universe that makes things happen. And all you have to do is get in touch with it, stop thinking, let things happen, and be the ball. Lacey Underall: You're crazy! Ty Webb: That's what they said about Son of Sam. Carl Spackler: I smell varmint poontang. And the only good varmint poontang is dead varmint poontang, I think. Tony D'Annunzio: Another Rob Roy, Bishop? Bishop: You never ask a navy man if he'll have another drink, because it's nobody's goddamned business how much he's had already. Judge Smails: Wrong, you're drinking too much your Excellency. Bishop: Excellency, fiddlesticks, my name's Fred and I'm a man, same as you. Judge Smails: You're not a man, you're a bishop, for God's sakes. Bishop: There is no God... Judge Smails: Danny, I'm having a party this weekend. [pauses a beat] How would you like to come over and mow my lawn? Carl Spackler: Wait up, girls; I got a salami I gotta hide still. Carl Spackler: This place got a pool? Ty Webb: Pool and a pond... Pond be good for you. Ty Webb: Let me tell you a little story? I once knew a guy who could have been a great golfer, could have gone pro, all he needed was a little time and practice. Decided to go to college instead. Went for four years, did pretty well. At the end of his four years, his last semester he was kicked out... You know what for? He was night putting, just putting at night with the fifteen-year-old daughter of the Dean... You know who that guy was Danny? Danny Noonan: No. Ty Webb: Take one good guess. Danny Noonan: Bob Hope? Ty Webb: Ha ha... No, that guy was Mitch Comstein, my roommate. He was a good guy. Spalding Smails: Doodie! Carl Spackler: I have to laugh, because I've outsmarted even myself. My enemy, my foe, is an animal. In order to conquer the animal, I have to learn to think like an animal. And, whenever possible, to look like one. I've gotta get inside this guy's pelt and crawl around for a few days. Ty Webb: You've got to win this hole. Danny Noonan: I kinda thought winning wasn't important Ty Webb: Me winning isn't. You do. Danny Noonan: Great grammar. Judge Smails: Well, we're waiting! Al Czervik: [after an airplane passes just above his head] I almost got head from Amelia Earhart! Al Czervik: [drops his bow anchor on Judge Smails' sailboat, sinking it] Hey, you scratched my anchor! Ty Webb: Remember Danny - Two wrongs don't make a right but three rights make a left. Tony D'Annunzio: [caddying for the elderly Havercamps... to Mrs. Havercamp] Your ball's right over there, go straight. You can't miss it. Mrs. Havercamp... Mrs. Haver... Mrs. Havercamp... you'll need this. [hands her her club] Mrs. Havercamp: Oh I might, at that! Tony D'Annunzio: Mr. Havercamp, your ball's right over there, sir. Tony D'Annunzio: [Havercamp puts hand out for club, Tony hands it to him as he attempts to shoot away from the green] No... Mr. Havercamp. The green's right over there, sir. Mrs. Havercamp: [knocking ball into the pond] Whee! Mr. Havercamp: That's a peach, hon! Oh, by golly... I'm hot today! [he slices it and it barely misses Tony's head] Al Czervik: No respect. [after the gopher takes his ball] Al Czervik: Hey, that kangaroo just took my ball. Carl Spackler: Freeze Gopher! Tony D'Annunzio: [carrying Czervik's golf bag] What do you got in here, rocks? Al Czervik: Are you kiddin'? When I was your age, I would lug fifty pounds of ice up five, six flights of stairs! Tony D'Annunzio: [puts down Czervik's bag, exasperated] So what? Al Czervik: So what? [opens compartment in golf bag, revealing radio] So let's dance! [turns on Journey's "Any Way You Want It," high volume] Judge Smails: Yes. Yes. Winter rules. Maggie O'Hooligan: I'm late. Danny Noonan: Late for what? Maggie O'Hooligan: For not being pregnant! Al Czervik: Hey! Can you make a Bullshot? Tony D'Annunzio: Can you make a shoe smell? Al Czervik: Very funny. Why don't you get yourself a real haircut? Here, take this. Danny Noonan: [trying to make small talk with Chuck after Smails has introduced them] Well, I'm going to college too. Chuck Schick: [haughtily] Really... are you going to Harvard? Danny Noonan: No, St. Copius of northern... Chuck Schick: Where? Lacey Underall: [walking up with Terry, at Danny] Hey Cary Grant... you wanna get high? Terry the Hippie: Wait a minute! I only got a little! Lacey Underall: Then split, OK Terry? Terry the Hippie: [leaving] Sure. Lacey Underall: [to Chuck] Bye, Chuck! [she and Danny grimace towards him, he leaves] Danny Noonan: Guess I'm a little overdressed? Lacey Underall: Depends on what's underneath... come on. Al Czervik: Hey, Smails! My dinghy's bigger than your whole boat! Lou Loomis: Pick up that blood! Ty Webb: No one likes a tattletale, Danny... except of course, me. Al Czervik: That kangaroo stole my ball. |
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