Information
| Year: | 2007 |
| Rating: | 7.8(133941) |
| Listed in: | Comedy |
| Directed by: | Greg Mottola |
| Actors: | Jonah Hill Michael Cera Christopher Mintz-Plasse Bill Hader Seth Rogen Martha MacIsaac |
| "Come and Get Some" | |
Cast
| Directed by | |
|---|---|
| Greg Mottola | |
| Actors | |
| Jonah Hill | as Seth |
| Michael Cera | as Evan |
| Christopher Mintz-Plasse | as Fogell |
| Bill Hader | as Officer Slater |
| Seth Rogen | as Officer Michaels |
| Joe Lo Truglio | as Francis the Driver |
| Kevin Corrigan | as Mark |
| Clement Blake | as Homeless Guy |
| Joe Nunez | as Liquor Store Clerk |
| Dave Franco | as Greg the Soccer Player |
| Scott Gerbacia | as Jesse |
| Roger Iwami | as Miroki |
| Clint Mabry | as Prosthetic Leg Kid |
| Mark Rogen | as Father with Bat |
| Charlie Hartsock | as Good Shopper Cashier |
| Charley Rossman | as Good Shopper Security |
| Ben Best | as Quince Danbury |
| Jody Hill | as Tut Long John Silver |
| Kevin Breznahan | as Patrick Manchester |
| David Krumholtz | as Benji Austin |
| Mousa Kraish | as Billy Baybridge |
| Nicholas Jasenovec | as Coffee Fairmount |
| Martin Starr | as James Masselin |
| Keith Loneker | as Wild Bill Cherry |
| Matt McKane | as Kane Cloverdale |
| Peter Salett | as Tiger Greendragon |
| Michael Naughton | as Gym Teacher |
| Steve Bannos | as Math Teacher |
| Casey Margolis | as Young Seth |
| Matthew Bass | as Vagtastic Voyager |
| Ted Haigh | as Bartender |
| Michael Fennessey | as Bus Driver |
| Brian Huskey | as Elementary Principal |
| Clark Duke | as Party Teenager |
| Stephen Borrello IV | as Party Teenager |
| Naathan Phan | as Party Teenager |
| Christopher L. Antie | as Student |
| Ryan de Quintal | as Seth's Friend |
| Joseph DeLuca | as Seth's Father |
| Clayton Frey | as Drunk Dude |
| Preston Jones | as Bully |
| Danny McBride | as Buddy at Party |
| Mark Robert Provencher | as Adult Partygoer |
| Calvin Sykes | as Student |
| John Tremaine | as Man at Bar |
| Actresses | |
| Martha MacIsaac | as Becca |
| Emma Stone | as Jules |
| Aviva | as Nicola |
| Erica Vittina Phillips | as Liquor Store Cashier |
| Marcella Lentz-Pope | as Gaby |
| Laura Seay | as Shirley |
| Stacy Edwards | as Evan's Mom |
| Donna Hardy | as Old Lady |
| Carla Gallo | as Period Blood Girl |
| Lauren Miller | as Scarlett Brighton |
| Rakefet Abergel | as Muffin Selby |
| Brooke Dillman | as Mrs. Hayworth |
| Laura Marano | as Young Becca |
| Aurora Snow | as Vagtastic Voyage Girl |
| Jenna Haze | as Vagtastic Voyage Girl |
| Pamella D'Pella | as Teacher |
| Dasha Darya Balyura | as Partygoer |
| Stacy Choe | as Math Student |
| Chelsey Dailey | as Pepsi Cheyenne |
| Erica Ford | as Jules's friend |
| Carrie Keagan | as Party Girl |
| Jill Maddrell | as Party Guest |
| Cortney Palm | as Party Guest |
| Amy Schloerb | as Partygoer |
| Amanda Zubillaga | as Dancing Party Girl |
Movie info
| Languages: | English |
| Filming dates: | 18 September 2006 - ? |
| Budget: | USD 20,000,000 |
| Gross: |
USA - 92,687,150 USD (2 September 2007) UK - 6,292,890 GBP (21 October 2007) Worldwide - 169,871,719 USD (4 May 2008) Non-USA - 48,408,493 USD (4 May 2008) Brazil - 972,801 BRL (21 October 2007) Philippines - 2,937,174 PHP (25 November 2007) |
| Plot: | Seth, Evan and Fogell are three teenage guys who love to drink and desperately wish to get laid. When a girl that Seth really likes, asks him to get the drink for her party, he sees this as a perfect opportunity to make her his girlfriend. The trio plan out how to get the alcohol, even including Fogell's new fake ID, but things won't got smoothly for the trio. Seth and Evan become separated from Fogell (now called McLovin) and they still haven't got the alcohol for the party that night. |
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Original Soundtracks
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"Too Hot to Stop" Written by Fred Freemand and Harry L. Nehls Performed by The Bar-Kays Courtesy of The Island Def Jam Music Group Under license from Universal Music Enterprises "Soul Finger" Written by James Alexander , Ronnie Caldwell, Ben Cauley, Carl Cunningham, Phalon R. Jones and Jimmy King Performed by The Bar-Kays Courtesy of Atlantic Recording Corp. By Arrangement with Warner Music Group Film & TV Licensing "Do Me" Written by Kenny Gamble (as Kenneth Gamble) and Leon Huff Performed by Jean Knight Courtesy of Stax Records By Arrangement with Concord Music Group, Inc. "Roda" Written by João Augusto and Gilberto Gil Performed by Sergio Mendes & Brasil '66 Courtesy of A&M Records Under license from Universal Music Enterprises "Bustin' Out (On Funk)" Written and Performed by Rick James Courtesy of Motown Records Under license from Universal Music Enterprises "Are You Man Enough" Written by Dennis Lambert and Brian Potter Sung by The Four Tops Courtesy of Geffen Records Under license from Universal Music Enterprises "High Class" Written by Brian Lapin , Terence Yoshiaki Graves and Mike Fratantuno (as Michael Fratantuno) Performed by Transcenders (as The Transcenders) Courtesy of Transcenders, LLC "Why Do I Cry?" Written by Barry Tashian Performed by The Remains Courtesy of Epic Records By Arrangement with Sony BMG Music Entertainment "Stranglehold" Written and Performed by Ted Nugent Courtesy of Epic Records By Arrangement with Sony BMG Music Entertainment "This Is Your Captain" Written by Ian Blurton Performed by C'mon Courtesy of Maple Music By Arrangement with Coda Music "Echoes" Written and Performed by The Rapture Courtesy of Mercury Records Limited Under license from Universal Music Enterprises "Big Poppa" Written by The Notorious B.I.G. (as Notorious B.I.G.), Ronald Isley, Rudolph Isley, O'Kelly Isley, Ernie Isley, Marvin Isley and Chris Jasper Performed by The Notorious B.I.G. (as Notorious B.I.G.) Courtesy of Bad Boy Records LLC By Arrangement with Warner Music Group Film & TV Licensing Contains a sample of "Between The Sheets" Performed by The Isley Brothers Courtesy of Epic Records By Arrangement with Sony BMG Music Entertainment "Shake" Written by Joey Levine and Kris Resnick Performed by The Friggs Courtesy of Apex Recording Service By Arrangement with Bug "Dangerous Woman (With A 45 In Her Hand)" Written by Robert Ellen Performed by Sonny Terry & Brownie McGhee Courtesy of Mainstream Records Inc. "Policy Game" Written by Robert Ellen Performed by Lightnin Hopkins (as Lightnin' Hopkins) Courtesy of Mainstream Records Inc. "Journey To The Center Of Your Mind" Written by Ted Nugent and Steven O. Farmer Performed by Ted Nugent & The Amboy Dukes Courtesy of Mainstream Records Inc. "These Eyes" Written by Burton Cummings and Randy Bachman "Ace Of Spades" Written by Lemmy (as Ian Kilmister), Fast Eddie Clarke (as Edward Clarke) and Phil 'Philthy Animal' Taylor (as Philip Taylor) Performed by Motörhead Courtesy of Sanctuary Records "Baby Please Don't Go" Written by Robert Ellen Performed by Ted Nugent & The Amboy Dukes Courtesy of Mainstream Records Inc. "These Eyes" Written by Burton Cummings and Randy Bachman Performed by The Guess Who Courtesy of The RCA Records Label By Arrangement with Sony BMG Music Entertainment "Here I Come" Written by Karl Jenkins, Richard Nichols , Malik Abdul-Basit (as Malik Smart), Ahmir-Khalib Thompson (as Ahmir Thompson) and Tariq Trotter (as Tarik Trotter) Performed by The Roots featuring Malik Abdul-Basit (as Malik B.) & Raw Dice (as Dice Raw) Courtesy of The Island Def Jam Music Group Under license from Universal Music Enterprises "I'm Your Boogie Man" Written by Harry Wayne Casey and Richard Finch Performed by KC & The Sunshine Band Courtesy of Rhino Entertainment Company By Arrangement with Warner Music Group Film & TV Licensing "Blow Your Whistle" Written by Yung Berg, Patrick Batiste, Jules Batiste and William Warner Performed by Morgan Smith Courtesy of Interscope Records Under license from Universal Music Enterprises "My Lady" Written by Jeremy Ball and M. Sagapolutele Performed by Mareko Courtesy of Dawn Raid Entertainment "My Favorite Mutiny" Written by Tariq Trotter (as Tarik Collins), Talib Kweli and Raymond 'Boots' Riley (as Boots Riley) Performed by The Coup Courtesy of Epitaph "Capital S.A." Written by Nathan Holmes, Daniel Taupe Maoate and Demetrius Christian Savelio Performed by Alphrisk featuring Savage Courtesy of Dawn Raid Entertainment "Pork And Beef" Written by Raymond 'Boots' Riley (as Boots Riley) Performed by The Coup Courtesy of Epitaph Records "Panama" Written by David Lee Roth, Alex Van Halen and Edward Van Halen Performed by Van Halen Courtesy of Warner Bros. Records Inc. By Arrangement with Warner Music Film Group & TV Licensing "P.S. I Love You" Written and Performed by Curtis Mayfield Courtesy of Rhino Entertainment Company / Curtom Classics, Inc. By Arrangement with Warner Music Film Group & TV Licensing "Chop Chop You're Dead" (uncredited) Written by Zack Frank, Simon Toye, Matt Winters and Craig Nordemann Performed by Cities in Dust Courtesy of Paper Bag Records By Arrangement with Coda Music |
Goofs
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Revealing mistakes: In the flashback where young Seth draws penises for amusements, the close-up views of the drawing hand is an adult's hand rather than the pre-teen's hand. Continuity: Seth has period blood on his jeans, but when the officers confront him after the party, the stain is gone. It reappears later, when he gets to the next party. Continuity: When Seth arrives at Becca's party, the same verse of the Roots "Here I Come" plays twice. Continuity: In the scene where Seth is holding the detergent bottles and arguing with Evan, you can clearly see that the dent on the front of the detergent bottle in his left hand keeps mysteriously disappearing and reappearing. Continuity: When McLovin is punched in the liquor store, his wound is on the side of his face under the stem of his glasses. Later, the wound appears on the front of his cheek. Continuity: When Evan and Seth are first looking at Fogell's fake ID, you can clearly see that there is no black magnetic strip on the back. When the police are looking at it in the liquor store the magnetic strip is visible. Continuity: On their way to the bar, the cops run the same red light (James St) twice in succession. Continuity: When Evan and Seth are in the store near the start of the film, you can see outside it appears to be getting dark with car and street lights on. However when the boys enter and exit the store it is sunny. Revealing mistakes: When Seth is running through backyards with the laundry detergent bottle supposedly full of beer, it is obviously empty, such as when he throws it over the fence. Continuity: At the very first shot of of the opening scene where you see Seth driving in his car and using his mobile phone, his seat-belt is twisted at least once. In the next close-up shot and the following wide shots, the seat-belt, however, is not twisted anymore. Continuity: When Evan and Seth are talking to the creepy nerd guy outside the liquor store after Seth gets hit by the nerd's car, the "open" sign behind the nerd guy can clearly be seen changed from off to on from shot to shot. Continuity: After Seth gets hit by the car in front of the liquor store, when the driver of the car pulls out his wallet and offers them money, the wallet goes from being in his left hand to being in his right pocket and back again between shots. Continuity: In the scene where Seth is hit by the cops, the cops yell at Seth and Evan to lay down in the street. When the camera is filming them from the side you see that their legs are crossed over each other's, but when they are filmed from the front their legs are touching but not crossed. They switched back an forth between crossed and uncrossed throughout the scene. Continuity: As Seth and Evan leave Fogell at the liquor store to talk, the white sedan parked behind them disappears instantaneously between camera switches. Continuity: When Seth and Evan are at lunch, the red chair at the end of their table disappears and reappears between shots. Crew: During the scene where Evan is unintentionally cursing Becca over the phone, a boom mic's shadow is visible on the asphalt behind him. Continuity: After Seth dances with the period blood girl, she goes away and he tries to stash a bottle in his pocket. When he goes to put the bottle in the pocket, we see the blood stain is not on his pants yet. CHAR: When Evan is playing video games he comments on the use of an M16 assault rifle. The games he's playing is 'The Getaway: Black Monday', a British police game where M16s are not used. GEOG: In the scene outside of the grocery store where Fogell works, the license plates on the fronts of the cars are California plates. The license plates on the back of the cars, on the buses, and other vehicles are not from any state and don't have a state name on them. Continuity: One of the partygoers (Clark Duke) appears first at Jules' party when Seth enters with the liquor, walking behind Seth, and in the very next shot, he is in the backyard gazebo where Becca is waiting for Evan. Continuity: When Officer Slater is driving erratically to damage the cruiser, he is not wearing a seat belt. During the crash, his seat belt is fastened but immediately afterward it's off again. Continuity: When Seth and Evan are at lunch, on the table behind Seth a guy is dispensing the drinking cans two times between shots. Continuity: When Fogell grabs the bags from the cop car they are full. When he runs the bags are clearly empty. Then later on when the bum grabs the bottle they are full again. Continuity: When Evan and Seth are first approaching the school the sign says there are 2 weeks left of school for seniors. When confronting the Home Ec teacher in the beginning, Seth claims there are 3 weeks left in the school year. Later in shop class, Evan says it's the last 2 weeks of school. Revealing mistakes: According to Evan, he has one signal bar in his cellphone everywhere, but when he is called by Becca, in the close-up we can see the signal bar is full. Continuity: Evan's string on his hoodie while he is talking to Seth about moving on with his life. FAIR: When Fogell's fake ID is shown, it clearly shows the birth date as 1981, and throughout the movie he is referred to as being 25. This is more or less in line with the movie being made in 2007; the 2008 date on the license that would seem to make him older is the expiration date. Continuity: During the scene where Seth is ranting to his Home Ec teacher about being left alone at his station, the shot from behind his shoulder facing his teacher it appears to show Seth in a yellow shirt however this is simply the lighting on the shirt making it look paler. FAIR: Whilst Evan is in class staring at Becca's cleavage, the teacher says "If i is the square root of negative 1, i squared equals negative 1". "i" is not a variable, but is an imaginary number used to designate the square root of negative numbers. As a result, it is possible for i squared to be negative. Any real number squared must be positive, but i is not real, it's imaginary. Continuity: When the bottle of Goldslick Vodka breaks on the bus, you see broken glass and liquid spilling out. When they show the closeup, with Evan's hands nearby, it just shows glass bouncing around and while there is liquid on the ground it is not constant with the amount that would came from a bottle just breaking. Revealing mistakes: The "Green beer" that the main characters bring to the party is obviously a mixture of beer and detergent. In actuality even a small amount of detergent would have caused the beer to be really foamy and disgusting. The "Green beer" would have been unbearable to drink and would have made anyone who drank it sick. SYNC: In the beginning of the movie while Seth and Evan are in the gas station Evan is filling a cup with a slushy while they are talking. Although you can hear the cup being filled, there is nothing coming out of the slushy dispenser. Continuity: When Fogell is riding in the back of the police car, the second time they run a red light, headlights of a car close behind them are shown in the immediate next scene, when the camera is in front of the car, looking at Fogell's face. If they really had run the red light, there would be no cars behind them for a while. Continuity: The loogy on Seth's shirt vanishes by lunchtime. His shirt would have had to been stained from the loogy. Miscellaneous: In the end credit music listings for Motorhead's Ace of Spades, Ian "Lemmy" Kilmister's last name is misspelled as Kilminster. Revealing mistakes: When Young Becca is looking at the penis drawing, the drawing itself obviously changes from the "in front of Becca" to the "behind Becca where we see the drawing" scene. FAIR: When Seth is speaking to Evan on the phone at the beginning of the movie, Evan asks that which website is "The Vag-Tastic Voyage". Though, later that day, when Evan is telling Becca about his Saturday night, you can see on Evan's flashback, that he and his friends were watching "The Vag-Tastic Voyage" last Saturday. However, in the past they could have paid one-time use fees to various porno sites like this, and if this happened, it wouldn't be surprising for Evan to mix the sites up. Continuity: When Slater crashes the patrol car into the cement piling, we see lightpole break off and hear it hit the ground yet in the very next frame the lightpole is back on the piling and is now just dropping sparks. Continuity: When Seth and Evan are entering the party accompanied by the weird guy, a guy smoking from a pipe can be seen. However, no smoke is visible inside the pipe while he is inhaling. Also, he seems to talk right afterwards but he does not exhale any smoke. Continuity: During the second fight, Mark throws a bottle at Seth, which ends up hitting the cocaine guy. He bends over grabbing his head with both hands and screaming. But in the very next shot he is standing still like nothing happened. Continuity: When Fogell and the cops are shooting the stop sign, the cigarette that Officer Michaels is smoking passes from his mouth to his hand between shots. Continuity: In the scene where Fogell and the cops are shooting the stop sign, you can see a stop ahead sign in front of the police car at the right side of the road. However, when the car takes off after hearing the sirens that sign is now a stop sign. Continuity: At the start of the movie, when Seth and Evan are in the store, you can see Evan filling up a slushy cup and in the next few cut scenes, his hand retains the shape of a slushy cup, but there is no cup in his hand. Continuity: When Fogell takes the gun from the officer to shoot at the car, the safety is on, you can't shoot with the safety on. |
Quotes
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Fogell: I got a boner! Francis the Driver: I'm gonna be totally honest with you. I have a warrant out for a totally nonviolent crime. Okay? There. Mercy Street, guys. Seth: Well, I'll be honest with you for a second. Francis the Driver: Okay. Seth: You better get us a shitload of cash or a shitload of alcohol or you're going to fucking prison. Evan: What are you doing, man? That's - You don't need to... Francis the Driver: Okay. Evan: No, let's not - Let's hang on a second here. Seth: Cough it up. Francis the Driver: Fine. Evan: I don't know if we should be doing anything too official. Francis the Driver: Let's work together. We're working together. It's like Let's Make a Deal. Here we go. Seth: Seven bucks? Are you fucking serious? This isn't enough for anything. What are you, a 6-year-old? Francis the Driver: It's all I have, man. That's all I have. Seth: Well, you better think of something quickly, alright? Ah, my back! Francis the Driver: No, no, no, no, no. Wait. Seth: My back! Cops, my back. Francis the Driver: Wait, don't do that. Alright, listen. I can get you alcohol. I'm going to this party right now, bro. Okay? It's got booze, it's got girls. Booze and girls equals... I don't know. Do you? I don't know. Do you? I think you do. Do you? Fogell: Yo guys! Sup? Seth: Fogell, where have you been, man? You almost gave me a goddamn heart attack. Let me see it. Did you pussy out or what? Fogell: No noooo, man. I got it; it is flawless. Check it! Evan: [examining the fake ID] Hawaii. All right, that's good. That's hard to trace, I guess. Wait... you changed your name to... McLovin? Fogell: Yeah. Evan: McLovin? What kind of a stupid name is that, Fogell? What, are you trying to be an Irish R&B singer? Fogell: Naw, they let you pick any name you want when you get down there. Seth: And you landed on McLovin... Fogell: Yeah. It was between that or Muhammed. Seth: Why the FUCK would it be between THAT or Muhammed? Why don't you just pick a common name like a normal person? Fogell: Muhammed is the most commonly used name on Earth. Read a fucking book for once. Evan: Fogell, have you actually ever met anyone named Muhammed? Fogell: Have YOU actually ever met anyone named McLovin? Seth: No, that's why you picked a dumb fucking name! Fogell: Fuck you. Seth: Gimme that. All right, you look like a future pedophile in this picture, number 1. Number 2: it doesn't even have a first name, it just says "McLovin"! Evan: What? One name? ONE NAME? Who are you? Seal? Seth: Fogell, this ID says that you're 25 years old. Why wouldn't you just put 21, man? Fogell: Seth, Seth, Seth. Listen up, ass-face: every day, hundreds of kids go into the liquor store with fake IDs, and every single one says they're 21. Pssh, how many 21 year olds do you think there are in this town? It's called fucking strategy, all right? Evan: Stay calm, okay? Let's not lose our heads. It's... it's a fine ID; it'll... it's gonna work. It's passable, okay? This isn't terrible. I mean, it's up to you, Fogell. This guy is either gonna think 'Here's another kid with a fake ID' or 'Here's McLovin, a 25 year-old Hawaiian organ donor'. Okay? So what's it gonna be? Fogell: [grinning]... I am McLovin! Seth: No you're not. No one's McLovin. McLovin's never existed because that's a made up dumb FUCKING FAIRY TALE NAME, YOU FUCK! [repeated line] Seth: What the fuck? Fogell: Hey! Seth: Don't tell Fogell about the party, man... Fogell: Gangstaaaaaaaaaaasss... what's up guys? Evan: Yeah chicks go nuts for that... the male camel toe. Seth: Yea yea! The camel tail. Seth: Its like a three thing... its like ball, dick, ball. Evan: It's like a division sign... Fogell: Oh oh, I forgot to tell you: my mom said we could have the TV from the basement... Evan: Shut the fuck up, man. He's gonna hear you. Just be quiet; wait until he goes away. Fogell: You still haven't told him that we're rooming together? Evan: Fogell, shut the fuck up. And take off that vest. You look like Aladdin. Good Shopper Cashier: How old are you? Seth: ...22. Good Shopper Cashier: [looks skeptical for a second, then smiles] You certainly are! That'll be 80 dollars. Seth: Oh! Okay! [pulls money out of his sleeve] Pssha! Thank you kindly! Will that do? Good Shopper Cashier: [examines the bill: a crisp 80 dollar bill] It most certainly will! Thank you, Seth! Seth: Hey, thank YOU! [double high-fives cashier] [last lines] Seth: [to Becca] I had such bad acne last year that I pretty much became, like, an expert on the stuff... [to Evan] Seth: You drove m... [to Becca] Seth: Evan drove me here though, so... Jules: Well, so, I mean, I have my dad's car... so I could just give you a lift... and then Evan can take Becca home. If that works... I dunno. If it's in your route. Becca: It'd be fine with me. Evan: Fine, yeah. Maybe we could get some food. Becca: Yeah, I'd like that. Seth: [to Evan] So, I guess I'll call you. Evan: Yeah, gimme a call. You have my number. Seth: I have your information. So, uh, put her there... [they shake hands] Evan: Perfect. Good. Alright man. Seth: Okay. Evan: Okay guys. Seth: Becca. Jules: Bye guys. See ya tomorrow. Becca: See ya Jules. [Jules and Seth go off leaving Evan and Becca] Evan: You could always subscribe to a site like Perfect Ten. I mean that could be anything, it could be a bowling site. Seth: Yeah, but it doesn't actually show dick going in which is a huge concern. Evan: Right, I didn't realize that. Seth: Besides, have you ever seen a vagina by itself? Evan: No. Seth: [shakes his head] Not for me. Becca: Your cock is so smooth! Evan: Your's would be too... if you were a man. Evan: I'm not too worried about it, really. I wouldn't worry about it. Don't worry about it. I'm not worried at all. Evan: I'd give my middle nut to start dating Becca. Officer Michaels: Yeah McLovin, how is it going with the ladies? Fogell: It's not the "going" I'm worried about... but the "coming". Officer Slater: McLovin? Were you violating that young girl? Were you violating her with your penis? Officer Michaels: Ah, McLovin, McLovin, McLovin, McLovin. Seth: I just wanna go to the rooftops and scream, "I love my best friend, Evan." Evan: Let's... go on my roof. Seth: [whispers] For sure. Seth: You know when you hear girls say 'Ah man, I was so shit-faced last night, I shouldn't have fucked that guy?' We could be that mistake! Evan: It's not just making them smaller. They completely reshaped them. They make them more supple, symmetrical. Seth: I gotta catch a glimpse of these warlocks. Let's make a move. [they run] Becca: I'm so wet right now. Evan: Yeah... they said that would happen in health class. Officer Michaels: [hears a siren] Oh shit, the cops! Evan: I heard she got breast reduction surgery. Seth: What? That's like slapping God across the face for giving you a beautiful gift. Evan: She had back problems, man. Seth: Oh my God! That's the coolest fucking story I've ever heard in my life! Can you tell it again, do you have time? Fogell: Can we shoot at it? Officer Slater: I don't know... [pause] Can you? Officer Michaels: I'm assuming you all have guns and crack! [fantasizing about how he'll get liquor] Seth: You dropped your purse, ma'am. Would you like me to help you with your shopping? Old Lady: That would be lovely! Do you want me to buy you alcohol? Seth: That would be lovely! [at the cash register, after buying alcohol] Seth: Enjoy your remaining years! Old Lady: I will! Enjoy fucking Jules! Seth: I WILL! Fogell: [shoots at burning police cruiser] Break yourself, foo! Seth: [imitating Becca] Oh Evan, thank you for bringing that lube for my pussy. I never would've been able to handle your four inch dick inside my pussy without that gigantic bottle of lube. Seth: I'll be like the Iron Chef of pounding vag. Fogell: [as Seth comes out of the liquor store] Where did you hide the alcohol Danny Ocean, up your butt? Seth: You don't want girls to think you suck dick at fucking pussy. Officer Slater: I'm sorry that I blocked your cock... Seth: I joined this class because I thought I was going to be cooking with a partner. But she's never here, and I don't get twice the grades for doing all the work. Teacher: I didn't invent odd numbers, Seth. Seth: I know, but look at Evan. Just look at him. Evan: [His partner is tying on his apron] Hey, don't keep me waiting much longer, I'm getting impatient up here. Seth: I'm over here in my unit, isolated and alone, eating my terrible tasting food, and I have to look over at that. That looks like the most fun I've ever seen in my entire life, and it's B.S. - excuse my language. I'm just saying that I wash and dry; I'm like a single mother. Look, we all know home-ec is a joke - no offense - it's just that everyone takes this class to get an A, and it's bullshit - and I'm sorry. I'm not putting down your profession, but it's just the way I feel. I don't want to sit here, all by myself, cooking this shitty food - no offense - and I just think that I don't need to cook tiramisu. Am I going to be a chef? No. There's three weeks left of school, give me a fuckin' break! I'm sorry for cursing. Teacher: All right, Jules' partner isn't here either, pair up with her, station four. Seth: Jules? Alright I'll give it another shot - give home-ec another shot. Jules: You scratch our backs, we'll scratch yours. Seth: Well Jules, the funny thing about my back is that it's located on my cock. Seth: [gets hit by a car] What the fuck happened? Evan: Calm down, calm down. She likes you. She wants to suck on your penis. That's a good thing. It's the best. Officer Slater: [singing] PANAMA! Becca: I am gonna give you the best blow J ever... with my mouth. Officer Slater: Hey kid, what's your real name? Fogell: Fogell... it's Fogell. Officer Michaels: Fogell? Fuck that, we're calling you McLovin! Seth: Dude! That means that by some fate we were paired together and she thought of me. Thought of me enough to want me to be responsible for the entire funness of her party! She wants to fuck me! She wants my dick in and around her mouth! Fogell: What's it like to have a gun? Officer Michaels: It's like having two cocks. If one of your cocks could kill someone. Seth: You know how many foods are shaped like dicks? The best kinds. Good Shopper Security: Don't do it, kid. Seth: I never had a choice... Seth: Nobody has gotten a hand job in cargo shorts since 'nam! Officer Michaels: Prepare to be fucked by the long dick of the law! Seth: Hey Greg, why don't you go piss your pants? Greg the Soccer Player: [turning around] That was like 8 years ago, asshole! Seth: [yelling] People don't forget! Becca: [drunkenly making out with Evan] I *so* flirt with you in math. Evan: Tell me about it. I - same-sies. Seth: When I was a little kid, I kinda had this problem. And it's not even that big of a deal, something like 8 percent of kids do it. For some reason, I don't know why. I would just kinda... sit around all day... and draw pictures of dicks. Evan: What? Seth: Draw pictures of dicks. Evan: Dicks? Like a man dick? Seth: Yes. Like a man dick. [while you see Seth when he was a kid] I'd just sit there hours on end drawing dicks. I didn't know what it was. I couldn't touch the pen to the paper without drawing the shape of a penis. Evan: That's fucked. Seth: No shit. It's really fucked up. Here I am. A little kid. And I can't stop drawing dicks to save my own life. [you see the kid Seth draw a lot of different dicks on different sheets of paper and see a gallery of his drawings one by one] Evan: Alright, I mean... I just don't see what this has to do with Becca. Seth: Just listen. Okay? [you see the kid Seth in a classroom] Your precious little Becca sat next to me for all of fourth grade. And in the classroom was where I did the majority of my illustrations. I was very secretive about this whole dick operation. Even I thought I was fucking crazy. Imagine what everyone else would think? So I would stash all my dick drawings in this Ghostbusters lunchbox that I had. So one day, I'm finishing up this real big, veiny, triumphant bastard, all of a sudden... Kid: Pussy! [walks by the kid Seth and pushes his notebook and his dick drawing off the desk, and it lands near kid Becca] Evan: You hit Becca's foot with your dick? Seth: Yeah. I know. [kid Becca picks up the drawing he just did, looks at it for a second, sees that it's a dick, and screams her head off and runs to the teacher] She starts crying, she flips out. Then she rats me out to the principal. He finds this Ghostbusters lunchbox dick treasure chest and he fucking flips out. [you see more of his dick drawings one by one] He calls in my parents. Turns out this principal is a religious fanatic, and he thinks I'm possessed by some sort of dick devil. My parents go make me see some therapist, and he's asking me all these dick questions. They literally stopped me from eating foods that were shaped like dicks. No hot dogs, no popsicles... You know how many foods are shaped like dicks? The best kinds. Evan: Well, I don't... That's really messed up. Supergay. Evan: [to Miroki] Good shit, right Miroki? [from trailer] Seth: [referring to Evan's mother] I am truly jealous you got to suck on those tits when you were a baby. Evan: Yeah, well, at least you got to suck on your dad's dick. Seth: Look at those nipples. Evan: They're like little baby toes. It's just not fair that they get to flaunt that stuff, you know... and like, I have to hide every erection I get. Evan: Just imagine if girls weren't weirded out by our boners and stuff, and just like wanted to see them. That's the world I one day want to live in. Seth: You know what I do? I flip my boner up into my waistband. It hides it AND it feels awesome. I almost blew a load into my bellybutton. Mindy: Look, kay? He assaulted the customer, grabbed the cash and ran out. Officer Slater: So, how how, how... Officer Michaels: Say when, height wise... Officer Slater: I'm gonna start up here. Officer Michaels: I'm gonna start from the buttom... Mindy: Whatever 5'10 is, he was 5'10. Officer Slater: E-ethnicly, I mean, did, what, uhhm. I mean, wa-was he, like u-us or... Mindy: A woman? A female, is that what you're asking? Officer Slater: No, I would say... Officer Michaels: Was he... Officer Slater: Was he African? Mindy: Was he African? No, he was American. And he was like you. He looked just like you. Officer Michaels: He was Jewish! An odd crime for a Jew to commit. Ok, so we have an African Jew wearing a hoodie... Mindy: No. You don't. No, that's not what I said. Is that what you heard me say? I said he looked like you. Do you look like an African Jew? Officer Michaels: No, I look like a cop. Mindy: He was caucasian. Officer Michaels: Caucasian... Officer Slater: Oh... Mindy: Kinda looked like Eminem. Officer Michaels: Ah, an M&M... Officer Slater: M&M, so he was like circular... Mindy: Marshall Mathers. Eminem, the rapper, Eminem. Officer Michaels: He looked like this? I'm a amateur. Officer Slater: 'Cause that kinda looks like an M&M. Officer Michaels: Longer face? Bigger nose? Would you say his mouth was wider? Open? A gap? [from trailer] Officer Michaels: McLovin? Fogell: Yeah. Officer Michaels: Great name. Officer Slater: It is, it just rolls of the tongue. Officer Michaels: 'Sounds like a sexy hamburger! Officer Michaels: You just cock-blocked McLovin! Seth: Momma's making a pubie salad, and she wants some Seth's own dressing. [as Fogell is getting "arrested"] Party Teenager #1: Holy shit! Fogell's a badass! Officer Slater: [pointing gun at Evan and Seth] Spread your shit! Get on the ground! Loaded gun! Ready to go! Spread your shit! Pussies on the pavement, fellas. Fogell: Hell yeah we should get some road beers! Evan: Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, It was so pimp, I even offered to pay for the alcohol. Seth: Oh no, that IS pimp. Evan: That's what I was afraid of. Seth: He is the sweetest guy. Have you ever looked into his eyes? It was like the first time I heard the Beatles. Officer Michaels: [out of breath] He's a freak... [panting] He's the fastest kid alive... Seth: [looks at the line to the bathroom] What is this, a line? Shirley: Uh, yeah, whats it look like? [laughs with her friends] Seth: [sarcastically] Oh, yeah, fuck me, right? Seth: Alright, let's stop this and just go get some dessert. Evan: No, I can't. I gotta... go meet my counselor, I'm picking out my classes for next year. Seth: ...what? So I gotta sit here and eat my dessert alone like I'm fuckin' Steven Glansberg? [points at Glansberg] Evan: I guess... yeah... I mean, what do you want me to do? Officer Michaels: We shouldn't be cock-blocking McLovin, we should be guiding his cock. Evan: Oh, I have to go. Seth: What,? You're just gonna let me sit here and eat dessert alone like I'm Steven fucking Glandsberg? [camera pans over to Steven eating alone and staring into a distance] Seth: Fo sho! Officer Michaels: Shit! The cops! Officer Michaels: How old are you McLovin? Fogell: Old enough. Fogell: Old enough for what? Fogell: To party. Homeless Guy: Hey, hey! It's you, McMuffin! Fogell: [after realizing Seth's car was towed] Why did you park in the staff lot? Seth: [mumbles] Shut the fuck up, Fogell. Fogell: I mean, you're not staff. Seth: I know that Fagell! I KNOW that! Officer Slater: We *will* shoot you! Mark: What the hell is this? Seth: I don't fucking - it's detergent! Mark: Yeah, what are you doing with it? Seth: ...I got fucking blood on my pants. Becca: [when Evan doesn't want to have sex with her because she's drunk] I don't understand why you have to be such a little bitch about it. Evan: [as Becca forcefully takes off his clothes] Just be careful, because it's a meaningful sweater to me, it's vintage. Liquor Store Clerk: Is there a problem here, sir? Fogell: [shakes head] No. Liquor Store Clerk: [looks down at the spilled beer on the floor] Sir, did you do this? Fogell: No, no I didn't and you should really clean this up, someone could really hurt themselves. [walks away] Liquor Store Clerk: [looks down at the floor] Fuck my life. Jesse: Hey, Seth. Seth: [scared and cautious] What? Jesse: Did you hear I'm having a big grad party next Saturday? Seth: [hesitantly] No. Jesse: Yeah. [Jesse spits on Seth's shirt] Jesse: You're not invited. Tell your fucking faggot friend he can't come either. [motions towards Evan] Seth: [Seth and Evan walk away together] So Jesse wanted me to tell you you're a fucking faggot and you're not invited to his grad party. Evan: You know you really bitched out back there man. Seth: I bitched out? You bitched out. Fucking Judas! Evan: What'd you want me to do? Dive in front of the spit...? Scarlett Brighton: Kick his ass, Mark! Mark: Shut the FUCK up, Scarlett. [first lines] Evan: Yo. Seth: Hey, man, I was doing some research for next year and I think I figured out which website I wanna subscribe to. The Vag-Tastic Voyage. Evan: Fogell, I don't understand why you we're smoking cigarettes with those cops. Fogell: Because I fuckin' rule? Francis the Driver: So, you guys on MySpace? Seth: They should be suckin' on my ball sack. Gym Teacher: Evan, get into the game. Evan: Kick it over... to me. Gym Teacher: Seth, get off the field! Evan: Dude, get out of here. There gonna make me run laps again. Seth: Dude, just fuckin' listen ok. Jules and her stupid fuckin' friend came up to me and they ask me to buy her alcohol. But not just her, for her whole party. You know what that means? By some divine miracle we were paired up and she actually thought of me. Thought of me enough to decide that I was the guy she would trust with the whole funness of her party. She wants to fuck me, she wants my dick in and around her mouth. Evan: Did you ever think that she's just using you to get her alcohol? She doesn't want your dick? Seth: No, she's got an older brother and she could've asked him but she asked me. She looked me in the eyes and said 'Seth, Momma's making a pubi salad and I need some Seth's Own dressing.' She's D.T.F. - down to fuck man. P and Vagi, she wants to [kicks soccer ball] fuck man! Tonight is a night that fucking is an actual possibility. Evan: You just sound like an idiot, you're not gonna be able to sleep with her man. Seth: No... dude, I don't want to talk a lot of shit OK. But she's gonna be at the party, and she's gonna be drunk, and she likes me at least a little, enough to get with me. At the very least I'll make out with her, two weeks hand job, month blow job, whatever whatever. And then, I make her my girlfriend. And I've got like two solid months of sex. By the time college rolls around I'll be like the Iron Chef of pounding vaj. Evan: K can you just get out of hear and we'll talk about this later? Greg the Soccer Player: What the fuck Evan we're down two points! Evan: Fuckin' calm down Greg, it's soccer, it's soccer. Greg the Soccer Player: Fuck you man. Seth: Hey Greg, why don't you go piss your pants again? Greg the Soccer Player: That was like eight years ago asshole. Seth: People don't forget. [turning back to Evan] You wanna hear the best part? Becka! You do the same thing with her. When you guys are shit faced at the party, you get with her. This is our last party as highschool people. I fully ignored my hatred for Becka in coming up with this plan. Evan: I should buy Becka alcohol? Evan: Yeah, man that will be pimp! That way you know she'll be drunk. You know when you hear girls saying like 'ahh I was so shit faced last night I shouldn't have fucked that guy,' we could be that mistake! Evan: Have you talked to Fogell? Seth: Alright, you talk to Becka. I'll talk to that retard Fogell. Don't worry. Gym Teacher: [Blows whistle] Seth, get off the field! Seth: [Kicks soccer ball into the stands] Goal! Gym Teacher: You're getting that! Seth: No I'm not. Seth: This plan's been fucked since Jump Street. Liquor Store Clerk: Fuck my life. Period Blood Girl: [on phone to police] Yeah, send someone, hurry. [Hangs Up] [to Mark] Mark! I called the cops you should hide your gun. Evan: Fogell, I just don't understand why you were smoking cigarettes with those cops. Fogell: Because I fucking rule! Oh, we are SO gonna get laid tonight! Seth: I am, I'm gonna get laid. Officer Michaels: Everyone should hold a gun at least a couple times. Fogell: Chicka chicka yeah! Officer Slater: [Arresting Evan and Seth] Pretend he's your little sister, your little sister, with the picha baga daga dicta! Officer Slater: So you name is just McLovin? Fogell: Yeah! Officer Slater: Badass! Officer Michaels: [Vomiting after chasing Eva] It's just beer! It's just beer! Officer Slater: C'mon man up. What happened? Officer Michaels: [Without breath] He's a freakin' kid! He's the fastest kid alive! Officer Slater: This is not good! Officer Michaels: He's the fastest kid alive! Officer Slater: Fastest kid alive my ass! What we're gonna do? |
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