Sign in



Recent photos

Whoopi Goldberg
Kate Winslet
Virginia Madsen
Taryn Manning
Colin Firth
Michael Biehn
Dustin Hoffman
Lena Headey

Watch "The Longest Yard" Full Movie Online

Information

Year: 2005
Rating: 6.2(39677)
Listed in: Comedy, Drama, Sport
Directed by: Peter Segal
Actors: Adam Sandler Chris Rock Burt Reynolds Nelly Michael Irvin Walter Williamson Bill Goldberg
  "It was hard to put a team together... until they found out who they were playing."

Cast

 Directed by
Peter Segal  
 Actors
Adam Sandler as Paul Crewe
Chris Rock as Caretaker
Burt Reynolds as Coach Nate Scarborough
Nelly as Megget
Michael Irvin as Deacon Moss
Walter Williamson as Errol Dandridge
Bill Goldberg as Battle
Terry Crews as Cheeseburger Eddy
Bob Sapp as Switowski
Nicholas Turturro as Brucie
Dalip Singh as Turley
Lobo Sebastian as Torres
Joey Diaz as Big Tony
Steve Reevis as Baby Face Bob
David Patrick Kelly as Unger
Tracy Morgan as Ms. Tucker
Edward Bunker as Skitchy Rivers
William Fichtner as Captain Knauer
Bill Romanowski as Guard Lambert
Kevin Nash as Guard Engleheart
Steve Austin as Guard Dunham
Brian Bosworth as Guard Garner
Michael Papajohn as Guard Papajohn
Conrad Goode as Guard Webster
Brandon Molale as Guard Malloy
Todd Holland as Guard Holland
James Cromwell as Warden Hazen
Allen Covert as Referee
Rob Schneider as Punky
Chris Berman as Himself - Announcer
Jim Rome as Himself
Patrick Bristow as Walt
Dan Patrick as Officer Jack Pugh
Christopher Neiman as Big Ear Cop
Ed Lauter as Duane
Sean Salisbury as Vic
Rob Moore as Gavin
Big Boy as Jesse
Michael H. Goodwyn as Con Transvestite
Ray Stoney as Con Transvestite
Michael Silas as Con Transvestite
Andre Fuentes as Con Transvestite
Lonnie Henderson as Con Transvestite
Asiel Hardison as Con Transvestite
Colin Kim as Con Transvestite
Mark Robert Ellis as Stretcher Guy
Tim Crowley as Umpire
Kon Artis as Basketball Convict
Bizarre as Basketball Convict
Proof as Basketball Convict
Kuniva as Basketball Convict
Swift as Basketball Convict
Bryan Burwell as Sportswriter
Sam Farmer as Sportswriter
Jay Glazer as Sportswriter
Peter King as Sportswriter
John McClain as Sportswriter
Adam Schefter as Sportswriter
Larry Weisman as Sportswriter
Marc S. Ganis as Lorenzo
Shane Ralston as Bradlee
Bryan Ross as Party Guest
Ricardo J. King as Press Box Technician
Stink Fisher as Cafeteria Prisoner
Jasper Pendergrass as Cafeteria Prisoner
Sean McNamara as Cafeteria Prisoner
Robert Harvey as Cafeteria Guard
Eric Chmielecki as Guard Sniper
John Hockridge as Guard Hock
Terry Alan as Reporter
Steven Alford as K-9 Officer Beller
Dalton Baker as 'R' Guards Fan
P.J. Barberino as 'D' Guards Fan
Nicolas Barclift as Inmate
Richard Barela as Inmate
Joey Batten as 'U' Guards Fan
Brett Bech as Potter, Guard Receiver #25
Terrell Byrd as Prison Basketball Player
Rodney Carrington as Prison Guard
Brian David as Prison Guard
Joe Davis as Guard Rassmeusen
Christian DeStefanis as Allenville Police Officer
Clyde the Dog as K-9 Dog
Stephen Eiland as Prisoner
Steve Fox as Warden's Crony
Sean Frost as Inmate/Fan
Wayne Charles Fugate as End Zone Boy
Gary Godsey as #91 on Allenville Team
Ric Govea as Football Fan
Kevin Grady as Lincoln
Christopher E. Hayner as Prison Guards Fan
Casey Hendershot as Reporter
T.S. Hunter as Fan
Gui Inacio as Party Guest
Ryan James as 'G' Guards Fan
Mike Koperski as Press Photographer
Jose J. Marquez as Inmate
Tex Marshall as Sideline Fan
Red McCombs as Himself
Carl McDowell as ESPN 2 Cameraman
Robert McMurrer as Crash Witness
Joseph Mendez as Football Fan
George Meyers as Cop
Jody Millard as Center for the Mean Machine
Kelron Mixon as Football Fan
Scottie Nic as Football Player
Mark Nobel as Prisoner
Robert O'Connor as City Cop
Rich Owens as 'S' Man
Bob Perry as Football Player
A.J. Presley as Prisoner
Tommy Rodriguez as Fan
Bobby Roe as Guard Football Player
Rudi Rose as Guard
David Saxa as 'A' Guards Fan
Joe Schey as Guard Player (#74)
Aleksandr Sountsov as Convict
Brian Spaeth as ESPN Cameraman
Sam Spector as Vendor
Steve J. Termath as Guard Liebling
Carlucci Weyant as Football Player
Don Williams as Basketball convict
Jason Williams as Texas State Policeman
David Yeager as Inmate/Guard
Ryan Yerrick as 'G' Guards Fan
 Actresses
Cloris Leachman as Lynette
Lauren Sanchez as Herself - Newscaster
Jenae Altschwager as Party Guest
Candace Juleff as Party Guest
Denise Marie Jerome as Guard Cheerleader
Jaayda McClanahan as Guard Cheerleader
Tara Wilson as Guard Cheerleader
Rachel Saydak as Guard Cheerleader
Cara-Lee Knodel as Guard Cheerleader
Nora Hassan as Guard Cheerleader
Mary Castro as Model at Party
Courteney Cox as Lena
Cynthia Rube as Trophy Wife
Scarlett Schines as Football Fan
Tarita Virtue as Hot Nurse

Movie info

Languages: English
Filming dates: 19 July 2004 - ?
Budget: USD 82,000,000
Gross: USA - 95,782,410 USD (5 June 2005)
UK - 4,382,307 GBP (9 October 2005)
 
Plot: When ex-football star Paul Crewe is thrown into prison, he is assigned the job of creating a football team to take on Warden Hazen's team. Together with the Warden and the legendary Coach Nate Scarborough, Crewe begins to recruit his new team.

Original Soundtracks

  "Errtime" Lyrics by Nelly , Jung Tru, King Jacob & Zachary Wallace Music by Phalon Alexander & Zachary Wallace Performed by Nelly featuring Jung Tru & King Jacob Produced by Jazze Pha for Futuristic Entertainment/Noontime Music Jung Tru & King Jacob perform courtesy of Derrty Ent. Nelly performs courtesy of Derrty Ent./Universal Records
"Boom Boom" by John Lee Hooker Performed by Big Head Todd & The Monsters featuring John Lee Hooker Courtesy of Warner Bros. Records Inc. By Arrangement with Warner Strategic Marketing John Lee Hooker performs courtesy of Virgin Records under license from EMI Film & Television Music
"Thunderstruck" by Angus Young & Malcolm Young Performed by AC/DC Courtesy of Epic Records By Arrangement with SONY BMG Music Entertainment
"Boom" by Nelly and G.A. Performed by Nelly Produced by G.A. Nelly performs courtesy of Derrty Ent./Universal Records
"Have You Ever Seen the Rain" by John Fogerty Performed by Creedence Clearwater Revival Courtesy of Fantasy Records/Concord Music Group, Inc.
"Hella Good" by Pharrell Williams, Chad Hugo, Gwen Stefani & Tony Kanal Performed by No Doubt Courtesy of Interscope Records Under license from Universal Music Enterprises
"If You Want Blood (You've Got It)" by Angus Young , Malcolm Young & Ronald Belford Scott (as Bon Scott) Performed by AC/DC Courtesy of Epic Records By Arrangement with SONY BMG Music Entertainment
"Are You Gonna Be My Girl" by Cameron Muncey & Nic Cester (as Nicholas Cester) Performed by Jet Courtesy of Atlantic Recording Corp. By Arrangement with Warner Strategic Marketing
"Spirit in the Sky" Written & Performed by Norman Greenbaum Courtesy of Transtone Productions
"Stomp" by Murphy Lee, King Jacob, Prentiss Church & Fala Performed by Murphy Lee featuring King Jacob & Prentiss Church Produced by Fala Beats Murphy Lee performs courtesy of Derrty Ent./Universal Records King Jacob & Prentiss Church perform courtesy of Derrty Ent.
"Fly Away" by Kenneth Karlin, Adrea Monica Martin, Ivan A. Matias & Carsten Schack Performed by Nelly Produced by Rashad "Regus" Hill Contains a sample of "Still in My Heart" by Kenneth Karlin, Adrea Monica Martin, Ivan A. Matias & Carsten Schack Performed by Tracie Spencer Courtesy of Capitol Records, Inc. Nelly performs courtesy of Derrty Ent./Universal Records
"Move" by Asani Charles & Bryan Bonwell Performed by Natasha Barr Courtesy of Spirit Music Group/BZEE ROC Music
"Saturday Night Special" by Edward King & Ronnie Van Zant Performed by Lynyrd Skynyrd Courtesy of Geffen Records Under license from Universal Music Enterprises
"Oh My, Oh My!" by Asani Charles & Bryan Bonwell Performed by Nicole Kindle Courtesy of Spirit Music Group/BZEE ROC Music
"Long Cool Woman (In a Black Dress)" by Allan Clarke , Roger Greenaway & Roger Cook Performed by The Hollies Courtesy of EMI Records Under License from EMI Film & Television Music
"U Should Know" by Arnold Beasley, Aaron Martin & Ronald Ferebee, Jr. Performed by 216 Produced by Yonny for Yonny/Skelatune Productions 216 performs courtesy of Hustla Entertainment/Universal Records
"Give It Up" by Al Bell (as Alvertis Isbell), Marvell Thomas, Chuck D. (as Carlton Ridenhour), Gary G-Wiz (as Gary Rinaldo) & Sean DeVore Performed by Public Enemy Contains an interpolation of "Opus de Soul" by Al Bell (as Alvertis Isbell) & Marvell Thomas Courtesy of Terrordome Music LLC By Arrangement with Reach Global, Inc.
"Jack and the Ripper" by Michael Kamen & Buckethead Courtesy of Columbia Pictures Industries, Inc.
"My Ballz" by Denaun Porter, Ondre Moore, Deshawn Holton, Von Carlisle, Rufus Johnson, Marshall Mathers, Luis Resto & Henry Mancini Performed by D12 featuring Eminem Produced by Eminem Additional production by Luis Resto Contains elements from "Peter Gunn Theme" by Henry Mancini D12 performs courtesy of Shady Records/Interscope Eminem performs courtesy of Aftermath/Shady Records/Interscope
"Mississippi Queen" by David Rea , Felix Pappalardi, Corky Laing (as Laurence Laing) & Leslie West (as Leslie Weinstein) Performed by Mountain Courtesy of Columbia Records By Arrangement with SONY BMG Music Entertainment
"Roll It Up" by Scott Kirkland & Ken Jordan Performed by The Crystal Method featuring Scott Weiland Courtesy of Outpost Recordings/Geffen Records Under license from Universal Music Enterprises
"Narcotic" by Tommy Lee , Timothy Murray, Scott Kirkland & Scott Humphrey Performed by Methods of Mayhem featuring Scott Kirkland Courtesy of Geffen Records Under license from Universal Music Enterprises
"Fall-Off Truck"
"Cats and Dogs" by David Shire Courtesy of TriStar Pictures, Inc.
"Railroad Blues" Written & Performed by Wayne Hancock Courtesy of Bloodshot Records By Arrangement with DePugh Music
"Greek House" by Thomas Newman Courtesy of Hollywood Records
"Oh" by Christopher Davis, Billy Squier, Joseph Simmons (as Joseph Ward Simmons), Darryl McDaniels (as Darryl Matthews McDaniels), Lawrence Smith & Jason Mizell Performed by Union Turnpike Courtesy of Epic Records By Arrangement with SONY BMG Music Entertainment Contains a sample of "The Stroke" Written & Performed by Billy Squier Courtesy of Capitol Records Under License from EMI Film & Television Music Contains a sample of "Jam Master Jay" by Joseph Simmons (as Joseph Ward Simmons), Darryl McDaniels (as Darryl Matthews McDaniels), Lawrence Smith & Jason Mizell Performed by Run-D.M.C. Courtesy of Profile Records, Inc./Arista Records, Inc. By Arrangement with SONY BMG Music Entertainment
"Get Back (Clean Rock Mix)" by Ludacris (as Christopher Bridges) & Dominic Bazile Performed by Ludacris featuring Lazy Eye Additional vocals by Dolla Boy & Brolic D Courtesy of The Island Def Jam Music Group Under license from Universal Music Enteprises
"Bootleg" by John Fogerty Performed by Creedence Clearwater Revival Courtesy of Fantasy Records/Concord Music Group, Inc.
"Higher Ground" by Stevie Wonder Performed by Red Hot Chili Peppers Courtesy of Capitol Records Under license from EMI Film & Television Music
"Break U Off" by Kool Keith (as Keith Thornton) & Kutmasta Kurt (as Kurt Matlin) Performed by Kool Keith & Kutmasta Kurt Courtesy of Oglio/DMAFT Records
"USC Drum Cadence" Performed by the University of Southern California Trojan Marching Band Drumline

Goofs

  Continuity: When driving away in the Bentley after backing into the cop car, the rear end is seen in perfect condition.
Continuity: When the guards and the convicts are on the buses riding to the stadium to the play the game, the guards are in a coach bus with tinted windows, and the convicts are on the blue school bus. When the two buses turn the corner the school bus is clearly empty. Yet, in the next scene, the boys are stepping down off the bus.
Continuity: During the exchange between the guards and Megget in the library, the bill of Megget's hat moves from the side of his head to the back of his head multiple times.
Continuity: Caretaker receives a package with a birthday cake inside from which he scoops out a pair of cleats, destroying one whole side. In the following scene, Switowski is eating the cake, which only has the center dug out.
Fact errors: Crewe is sent to a federal prison in Texas. The guards at the federal prison have a Texas state flag on the sleeve of their uniform. The guards should not have a Texas state flag on their uniform since they are Federal prison guards and not state of Texas (TDCJ) correctional officers.
Continuity: On Megget's first run during practice, his chin strap is unbuckled, but after the run he unbuckles it to take off his helmet.
Continuity: At many different times in the movie, Nate's facial hair keeps switching from a gray beard to a black mustache, back and forth.
Continuity: In the beginning of the game, Turley is wearing black sleeves for the first few plays. But after that he does not have sleeves any more.
Continuity: When the Mean Machine goes in for their final touchdown in the game, the clock reads 6.0 seconds, yet after the ball is snapped and the running back starts to run with the ball, the clock is seen winding down from more than 6.0 seconds.
Continuity: In the very first play where Torres joins the team, after he tackles Brucie you can see Battle pull Torres off Brucie. Battle at this point of the movie, wasn't on the team yet.
Continuity: Number 55 of the Guards is knocked incoherent during a play during the beginning of the game. Yet on the next play, when Turley knocks Michael Papajohn through the bench, #55 can be seen jeering Turley on the sidelines.
Continuity: When Scarborough is giving them the trick play for the final points, Deacon is shown standing right next to him with his helmet off. Immediately after that, Deacon is not beside Scarborough, and he has his helmet on. Then immediately after that, he's next to Scarborough again, with his helmet off again.
Revealing mistakes: When Crewe ('Adam Sandler (I)' (qv)) first steps on the field to play against the guards you can hear some people say "Sandler" instead of Crewe.
Continuity: When Paul Crewe goes to meet Turley in the maximum security cell, Turley turns around and he has a spot of blood on his chest just above the top of his shirt. During the conversation the spot of blood disappears and reappears alternately as they switch between Turley and Crewe.
CHAR: Lena calls Walt ('Patrick Bristow' (qv)) "Patrick". It shows up as such on the DVD subtitles.
Continuity: When Crewe first gets to prison he is kicked off the bus and he lands on his back. The back of his hair and shirt are extremely dirty. When he meets with Warden Hazen a short time later, the back of his shirt and hair are clean.
Continuity: In the library scene, Officer Dunham keeps dropping books from Megget's pile onto the floor and making him pick them up. The last time he does this he drops one book on the floor. When Megget gets up however, he has more than one book in his hand.
SYNC: When the fight breaks out in the first play of the game, a sniper is seen shouldering his rifle, and we hear the sound of a pump action shotgun being pumped.
SYNC: In the library scene, Guard Engleheart ('Kevin Nash (I)' (qv)) bends down and says "Bet you'd like to hit us huh?", but the voice is not Nash's deep clear voice. It's clearly the gruff higher voice of Guard Dunham ('Steve Austin (IV)' (qv)).
Continuity: At beginning of movie when Burt steals the car it is supposed to be a Maserati and it magically turns into a Citroen during the chase.
Continuity: When Paul Crewe being pursued by police, there is an overview of the chopper following the car. Because there is no high buildings above the first helicopter, this means there would have to be a second one.
CHAR: In the scene where Crewe is stopped by police, he flees the scene. As he leaves the police officers are both shown talking on their portable radios at the same time. Assuming they are partners riding in the same car, they would be operating on the same radio frequency. Thus, they would not both be able to transmit at the same time, because it would just be jumbled garbage to anyone (dispatcher) listening.
Revealing mistakes: When Paul Crewe first arrives in prison the guard punches him in the stomach and he falls to his knees. You can see the shin guards on his legs.
Fact errors: During one of the scenes where Unger is in the guard's locker room, he sees Halo 2 (2004) (VG) being played by one of the guards. If you look at the screen closely, it is actually a Halo 2 demo which technically can't be played since it was just for the E3 preview.
Crew: When Crewe and Caretaker first meets Nate Scarborough, you can easily see the sun on the horizon. However, in the background of the scene, there's only small structures around. So why is there a huge shade in front of Nate?
Fact errors: Numerous penalties in regulation rules football (i.e. covers almost all areas of football) are committed without being called as such, even after the officials agree to call the game fair. Some examples: -Early in the game, Turley and Crewe help push Megget for a first down. Helping the runner in such a way is a ten yard penalty. -Several players remove their helmets while on the field of play after a down. Unless a timeout has been called or the game stopped for any reason (which it wasn't), this is a fifteen yard unsportsmanlike conduct penalty. -Several violent actions used are fifteen yard personal foul penalties (and probably ejection from the game if done in such a fashion), including punching, drop kicking an opponent, and clotheslining. However, most of these are done for comic effect. -Paul Crewe gives a downed official a "wet willy". Technically, this will get his team a fifteen yard penalty and result in Crewe's ejection from the game.
GEOG: When you see Crewe looking at the "girls" you see two women in the background, in an all male prison.

Quotes

  Paul 'Wrecking' Crewe: Huddle up! Look, I'm sure you already know
this, but I've never said it out loud. I *did* throw that game. I
did it. I was in a bad way with some worse people. After I did it,
I felt so shitty, I wish I would have just let them kill me
instead. Now the warden wants to pin Caretaker's murder on me if I
don't throw *this* game. So it looks like I'm going to get to know
you guys a lot better because I aint doing that twice in a
lifetime. We got a little time left. We can still do this. I'm
begging you. Put your hands in here. Ok, thank you. Who are we?
[Team shouts, "Mean Machine!", and takes the field]
Turley: I'm glad you're back. Now I don't have to stab you.
[after Crewe decides to come back to the game]
Turley: I'm glad you're back, now I don't have to stab you.
Caretaker: Look in your toilet, I left you a surprise.
Paul 'Wrecking' Crewe: You took a shit in my toilet?
Caretaker: No, that's what I left in Brucey's toilet.
[last lines]
Deacon Moss: [Deacon and Battle pour Gatorade on Warden Hazen] Good
game, sir!
Warden Hazen: That's a week in the hotbox!
Joey Battle: Who gives a shit!
Deacon Moss: This is baby-back bullshit!
[after inmates score touchdown on trick play]
Guard Lambert: Is that legal?
Paul 'Wrecking' Crewe: Yes, it is.
Guard Lambert: Is that a touchdown?
Paul 'Wrecking' Crewe: Yes, it is.
Guard Lambert: Oh, goddamn it!
Paul 'Wrecking' Crewe: [after being pulled over by cops] Here, you
can finish this beer for me... I've got five more!
Paul 'Wrecking' Crewe: [to the short cop] Now, listen here, Mr.
Frodo, don't get short with me.
Big Ears Cop: ...shit happens.
Paul 'Wrecking' Crewe: Shit does happen. I mean, look what happened
to your ears.
Cheeseburger Eddy: [to Megget] Why you bein' a McAsshole?
Big Tony: [reading sign] Foot... ball... tree... outs. What the
hell's a tree-out?
Brucie: It's try-out, you half a meatball.
Cheeseburger Eddy: You gotta always protect your McNuggets!
Chris Berman: Whooooop!
Walt: What happened?
Lena: He locked me in the closet and left me to die.
Walt: [gasps] He's deranged!
Paul 'Wrecking' Crewe: [on TV after he crashes his girlfriend's car]
Hey, Lena, I think we should start seeing other people!
Walt: [watching on TV with Lena] I think I'm in love.
Paul 'Wrecking' Crewe: You play football?
Caretaker: Me? No, I was so bad I was picked after the white kids.
Guys would look at me and say, "Damn, we picked the only nigger
can't play."
Brucie: [Brucie is about to kick off] Our Savior Jesus, help me do
this right and I promise to stop cheating on my wife with black
men.
Cheeseburger Eddy: I knew you couldn't resist my shit! I got the
shakes that'll make you quake. I got the fries that'll cross your
eyes. I got that burgers that'll... I just got burgers.
Punky: [after the convicts won the game] We win! Group hug in the
shower tonight!... or not. Or not.
Caretaker: We didn't get the whole chocolate bar, but we did get a
Hershey kiss.
Paul 'Wrecking' Crewe: I will be your coach, your captain, your
quarterback...
Brucie: You haven't played in years! Why can't I be quarterback?
Paul 'Wrecking' Crewe: You're right; let's see what you got. [throws
ball to Brucie] Hit me; I'm open!
Brucie: [throws wild pass]
Paul 'Wrecking' Crewe: That's why, now sit down and shut up.
Caretaker: [to an exceptionally fast runner] Run, Forest, run!
Caretaker: [Switowski has him in a bear hug] Down, Shrek, down!
Caretaker: That boy's got slave feet.
Ms. Tucker: [to Brucie] You wish I'd kiss you 'cos your breath smells
like eight cans of shark shit.
Caretaker: That boy got slave feet!
Caretaker: He could catch a cold in the desert.
Paul 'Wrecking' Crewe: [drinking a toast with Caretaker] Here's to
the first friend I've had in I-don't-know-how-long
Switowski: I thought I was your friend, Paul.
Paul 'Wrecking' Crewe: You are my friend, Switowski. Just finish your
coloring book and go to sleep.
Switowski: OK.
Switowski: I thought I was your friend, Paul.
Paul 'Wrecking' Crewe: You are my friend, Switowski, just, finish
your coloring book and go to sleep.
Switowski: OK.
Guard Dunham: Does the n-word offend you... nigger?
Earl Megget: No, sir.
Switowski: I'm sorry... I brokeded your toy.
Paul 'Wrecking' Crewe: Oh, no, it's a good thing!
Switowski: Really?
Paul 'Wrecking' Crewe: Yeah, you should share a celebration hug with
Caretaker.
Caretaker: [lifts Caretaker in bear-hug and spins around laughing]
Caretaker: [to Paul] Asshole!
Paul 'Wrecking' Crewe: I think Papajohn's their safety.
Turley: [smiles, nods] I'll play!
Paul 'Wrecking' Crewe: [to Caretaker] Hey, let's have a maniacal
pillow fight tonight! That should boost your rating!
Skitchy Rivers: Yeah, and we can sell it to Pay-Per-View - Superstar
vs. Half-a-Star.
Paul 'Wrecking' Crewe: [to Turley] People have said that we look
alike, so I just wanted to see for myself. [Turley roars very
loudly] I'm gonna go take a piss.
Paul 'Wrecking' Crewe: [to Caretaker after seeing his half-star
violence rating] You're as maniacal as a box of kittens.
Guard Lambert: [Walks in and yells] Everybody stand for the warden!
Warden Hazen: [Walks in and sees how fat Tony is] Anthony wow! You
can sit down!
Joey Battle: Thank God!
Captain Knauer: [after Crewe starts fight in lunch room] Stand up
Crewe! You think you can do anything don't you... well you're no
different than any other piece of shit that calls this place
home...
Paul 'Wrecking' Crewe: Really they all think you're a dumb redneck
too?
Paul 'Wrecking' Crewe: [Knauer takes a swing at Crewe with his
night-stick amd Crewe catches it] You should really start cutting
that shit out it's gettin old...
Captain Knauer: That's gonna cost ya...
Paul 'Wrecking' Crewe: Looking forward to it...
Caretaker: [talking to crowd about the try outs] This is our chance
to get a free shot at the guards!
Big Tony: And how are we going to do that?
Caretaker: Just show up at the tree-outs you big dumb bitch!
[Everyone laughs]
Switowski: He broke-ded my nose
Paul 'Wrecking' Crewe: Let me try to fix that.
[Crewe fixes his nose]
Switowski: How do I look?
Caretaker: Much better, like a young Michael Jackson.
Switowski: I love little Michael.
Guard Engleheart: If you have to cry, it's okay. I'll cry with you.
Switowski: Will you teach me to football?
Paul 'Wrecking' Crewe: Sure, I'll teach you to football.
Caretaker: I'll teach you anything. Just don't eat me.
Brucie: [after being hit hard] I got a bird, his name is Ronnie!
Caretaker: Well, tell Ronnie you got knocked the fuck out!
Paul 'Wrecking' Crewe: [as he's calling a play] Battle, you're a
psycho! Tony, you're a fat shit! Hut!
Punky: [after Nate Scarborough decides to enter the game] You can do
it! Get that old ass of yours in the endzone! We gotta win this
game!
Ms. Tucker: Do the girls get to play?
Caretaker: No, we're playing football, not balls-balls
Caretaker: Yo man, that's my flyer, man. I worked hard on that. You
see he ran like a little bitch right? You saw that right.
[Cheeseburger Eddy gets in his face] Yo, the team needs you. Team
needs you. You should come to the tree-outs.
Earl Megget: Y'all got a running back?
Paul 'Wrecking' Crewe: Not any good ones.
Cheeseburger Eddy: It ain't easy being cheesy!
Deacon Moss: The only game I'll play with you... is slap the point
shaving white boy, til he cries like a baby back bitch.
Cheeseburger Eddy: baby back bitch, baby back bitch, baby back bitch,
baby back bitch.
Caretaker: That's a big ass robot
Paul 'Wrecking' Crewe: [Crewe is being pulled over by the cops] Oh,
man, here come the party poopers...
Guard Engleheart: [the guards are picking on Megget in the library]
Bet you'd like to hit us, huh?
Earl Megget: [smiling] Hit you, sir? Nah. Y'all my friends!
Joey Battle: Wow, no bullshit! Football, against the guards?
Coach Nate Scarborough: Yep, full contact.
Joey Battle: Captain Knauer is the quarterback?
Caretaker: Yep.
Joey Battle: So I get to tackle him?
Paul 'Wrecking' Crewe: Yeah, either that you can hit him over the
head with that hammer.
Joey Battle: I wanna hurt him, not kill him.
Caretaker: Lets get outta here before that thing bites someone!
Caretaker: [introducing himself to Crewe] Whatever your pleasure, I
can facilitate. You need weed, you need meth- hey, you need Prozac,
I'm your man. I know how you white boys always deal with that
depression. I mean me personally, I don't understand what you white
boys are all depressed about. Hey, you're white! Smile!
Unger: The blood of the guards is gonna flow like the rivers of
ancient Babylon!
Paul 'Wrecking' Crewe: That's good news.
Guard Dunham: [rock music on in locker room acting like he's playing
a guitar] This is how a white man plays a guitar.
Brucie: How come I cant be kicker? I was all state!
Paul 'Wrecking' Crewe: All right let's see what you got.
Paul 'Wrecking' Crewe: [kicks ball along the ground]... that's why
you dumbass.
Baby Face Bob: [after the game, to Chris Berman] Remember Chris,
criminals are people too... [suddenly appears aggressive] Now give
me your wallet!
Chris Berman: [Backs down a little and looks frightened]
Baby Face Bob: [laughs] Just kidding.
Guard Lambert: Crewe! I'll see you on the field. [bangs his head on a
locker]
Coach Nate Scarborough: [to Crewe] I think he's in love with you.
Guard Dunham: [after breaking off a long run, storms up to Megget]
That's how a white man runs the football!
Earl Megget: Man, you lucky I ain't on defense. I'd crack you in that
egg-ass head of yours!
Guard Dunham: Yeah, but you ain't on defense. Are ya, bitch?
Earl Megget: Hey Switowski!
[he comes running over]
Earl Megget: You know what he said in the library?
[whispers to Switowski about Dunham calling Malcolm X then "N word",
as Switowski's eyes about pop out of his head]
Earl Megget: Yes. Him. Out!
Switowski: [Destroys Dunham with a huge hit on the next play.
Everyone gathers around to look at Dunham and sniffs] I think I
made-ed him shit himself.
Coach Nate Scarborough: I think he just shit himself.
All Sportswriters: I think he just shit himself.
Stretcher Guy: Oh man, this guy shit himself big time!
Switowski: [jumps up and down celebrating] I did! I did make-ed him
shit himself!
Earl Megget: [as Dunmham is being carted off the field on a
stretcher] I'll be sure to send them books to the hospital, pimp!
Deacon Moss: And some diapers!
Captain Knauer: Do you have any idea who's beating you out there?
This was supposed to be a blow out and they're showing you up in
front of the whole nation. The whole nation!
Guard Engleheart: I like it when he's angry.
Guard Engleheart: Stop booing, people. Both teams are trying very
hard.
Guard Dunham: What the hell's wrong with you? Stop acting like a damn
cheerleader.
Guard Engleheart: Sportsmanship. Try it.
Paul 'Wrecking' Crewe: I'll tell you what bothers me the most warden.
That you're not coming to be out there on that field with us,
gettin' what you got coming to you.
Warden Hazen: Only thing coming to me is victory.
Con Transvestite: What's wrong with you? Jealous because I don't
cheer for you anymore?
Brucie: I don't know what you're talking about, Freak show!
Con Transvestite: Whatever, back freckles!
Paul 'Wrecking' Crewe: [On the last play of the first half] Do you
assholes remember that play we practiced in the mud?
Deacon Moss: What are you talking about? That was some schoolyard
bullshit!
Paul 'Wrecking' Crewe: Yeah, let's try some schoolyard bullshit!
Switowski: [after Turley breaks his nose] I think he did it on
purpose!
Paul 'Wrecking' Crewe: No, he didn't do it on puropse... [glances
over at Turley] Okay maybe he did.
Baby Face Bob: Do that sound again.
Chris Berman: Woooooop!
Baby Face Bob: [chuckles] I like that.
Guard Engleheart: Why are you yelling at me? All I did was care!
Caretaker: Who we gonna crush?
(prisoners team): The guards!
Caretaker: Who we gonna kill?
(prisoners team): The guards!
Caretaker: Who we gonna kiss?
Brucie: [shouting out loud all alone] The guards!
Caretaker: [smile] Gotcha.
Caretaker: [to Paul] Don't give me that shit! O.J. Chopped his wife's
head off and still got some ass! [Paul Spits out his drink in
laughter]
[first lines]
Lorenzo: I love that dress.
Lena: Of course you do, Lorenzo, you made it.
Ms. Tucker: Paul... Paul I wanted to let you know that I am your
biggest fan and that I'll will be cheering my jailhouse boobies off
for you on gameday!
Paul 'Wrecking' Crewe: Ok I appreciate that.
Ms. Tucker: Paul I appreciate you.
Paul 'Wrecking' Crewe: Ok.
Brucie: All right are you done now?
Ms. Tucker: What are you just jealous because I don't cheer for you
anymore?
Brucie: Yea I don't know what you're talking about.
Ms. Tucker: Whatever back freckle!
Caretaker: Ain't you guys glad you got a black man for a friend?
Paul 'Wrecking' Crewe: Why are there 2 glasses?
Caretaker: Shut up and pour me a drink, bitch!
Joey Battle: Wow no bullshit! Real football, against the guards?
Coach Nate Scarborough: Full contact.
Joey Battle: Captain Knauer is the quarterback?
Caretaker: Yep.
Joey Battle: So I get to tackle him?
Paul 'Wrecking' Crewe: Yeah, you can either tackle him or you can hit
him over the head with that *hammer*.
Joey Battle: [looks down at his crotch] I wanna hurt him, not kill
him.
Caretaker: Lets get outta here before that thing bites someone!
Paul 'Wrecking' Crewe: Alright we'll see you and your pet iguana at
practice.
Caretaker: Stop the violence! Can't we all just get along?

Comments

No comments yet.

Leave comment

 
 Post as guest
 
  Enter captcha
 




The Longest Yard


Watch The Longest Yard(2005)