Information
| Year: | 1989 |
| Rating: | 6.6(12646) |
| Listed in: | Comedy |
| Directed by: | Jay Levey |
| Actors: | 'Weird Al' Yankovic Kevin McCarthy Michael Richards David Bowe Stanley Brock Victoria Jackson |
| "TV as it was meant to be seen. In a movie theatre." | |
Cast
| Directed by | |
|---|---|
| Jay Levey | |
| Actors | |
| 'Weird Al' Yankovic | as George Newman |
| Kevin McCarthy | as R.J. Fletcher |
| Michael Richards | as Stanley Spadowski |
| David Bowe | as Bob |
| Stanley Brock | as Uncle Harvey |
| Anthony Geary | as Philo |
| Trinidad Silva | as Raul Hernandez |
| Gedde Watanabe | as Kuni |
| Billy Barty | as Noodles MacIntosh |
| John Paragon | as Richard Fletcher |
| David Proval | as Head Thug |
| Grant James | as Killer Thug |
| Emo Philips | as Joe Earley |
| Lou B. Washington | as Cameraman |
| Vance Colvig Jr. | as Bum |
| Nik Hagler | as FCC Man |
| Robert K. Weiss | as Bartender |
| Eldon G. Hallum | as Spatula Husband |
| Bob Hungerford | as Sy Greenblum |
| John Cadenhead | as Crazy Ernie |
| Francis M. Carlson | as Blind Man |
| Ivan Green | as Earl Ramsey |
| Adam Maras | as Joel Miller |
| Travis Knight | as Billy |
| Joseph Witt | as Little Weasel |
| Tony Frank | as Teri's Father |
| Barry Friedman | as Fletcher Cronie #1 |
| Kevin Roden | as Fletcher Cronie #2 |
| Cliff Stephens | as Animal Deliveryman |
| Jim West | as Band: Guitar |
| Steve Jay | as Band: Bass Guitar |
| Jon Schwartz | as Band: Drums |
| Kim Bullard | as Band: Keyboard |
| Barry Hansen | as Whipped Cream Eater |
| Bob Maras | as Thug #3 |
| George Fisher | as Thug #4 |
| Tony Salome | as Guide #1 |
| Joe Restivo | as Guide #2 |
| Charles Marsh | as Yodeler |
| Patrick Thomas O'Brien | as Satan |
| Roger Callard | as Conan the Librarian |
| Robert Frank | as Timid Man |
| Jeff Maynard | as Boy with Books |
| M.G. Kelly | as Promo Announcer |
| Jay Gardner | as Promo Announcer |
| John Harlan | as Promo Announcer |
| Jim Rose | as Promo Announcer |
| Adam Clarke | as Kid In Audience |
| Kenwick Cook | as Party Guest |
| Herbert Glucksman | as Gorbachev |
| Jeff Howard | as Donor at Telethon |
| Jay Levey | as Gandhi |
| Brian Routh | as The Kipper Kids |
| Gary Sievers | as Disco Dancer |
| Martin von Haselberg | as Kipper Kids |
| Actresses | |
| Victoria Jackson | as Teri |
| Fran Drescher | as Pamela Finklestein |
| Sue Ane Langdon | as Aunt Esther |
| Sherry Engstrom | as Spatula Wife |
| Sara Allen | as Spatula Neighbor |
| Billie Lee Thrash | as Teri's Mother |
| Lisa R. Stefanic | as Phyllis Weaver |
| Nancy Johnson | as Big Edna |
| Debbie Mathieu | as Betty |
| Wilma Jeanne Cummins | as Little Old Lady |
| Belinda Bauer | as Mud Wrestler |
| Lori Wagner | as Mud Wrestler |
| Gigi Orsillo | as Spatula daughter |
Movie info
| Languages: | English |
| Filming dates: | 18 July 1988 - September 1988 |
| Budget: | USD 5,000,000 |
| Plot: | An unemployed visionary finds a job as the manager of a television station his uncle owns. Unfortunately, due to gambling debts, the uncle is forced to consider selling the station to a rival station's owner. With popular less-then network standards of programming, George and his friends try to save the town's new favorite station. |
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Original Soundtracks
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"UHF" Written & Performed by 'Weird Al' Yankovic Published by Holy Moley Music "FUN ZONE" Written & Performed by 'Weird Al' Yankovic Published by Holy Moley Music "LET ME BE YOUR HOG" Written & Performed by 'Weird Al' Yankovic Published by Holy Moley Music "SPATULA CITY" Written & Performed by 'Weird Al' Yankovic Published by Holy Moley Music "GANDHI II" Written & Performed by 'Weird Al' Yankovic Published by Holy Moley Music "MONEY FOR NOTHING / BEVERLY HILLBILLIES" Parody based on: "MONEY FOR NOTHING" Written by Mark Knopfler and Sting Published by Charlscourt Limited Administered in U.S. and Canada by Almo Music Corp. / Virgin Music, Inc. "THE BALLAD OF JED CLAMPETT" Written by Paul Henning Published by Carolintone Music Co., Inc. Additional Lyrics by 'Weird Al' Yankovic Lead Guitar - Mark Knopfler Keyboards - Guy Fletcher "MR. ED" Theme Song Written by Jay Livingston and Ray Evans Published by Livingston & Evans, Inc. "BONANZA" Theme Song Written by Jay Livingston and Ray Evans Published by Jay Livingston Music - St. Angelo Music "TARA'S THEME" from "GONE WITH THE WIND" Written by Max Steiner Used by Permission of SBK Robbins Catalog, Inc. Courtesy of Stanyan Records "WAY BLUE" Written by Steve Jay (as Stephen Jay) Published by Donna-Dijon Music Publications, Inc. "NUTZY'S CLUBHOUSE" Written by Todd Grace Published by Donna-Dijon Music Publications, Inc. "BATTLE HYMN OF THE REPUBLIC" Written by Julia Ward Howe & William Steffe Performed by The Mormon Tabernacle Choir With the Philadelphia Orchestra Courtesy of CBS Masterworks |
Goofs
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Continuity: When Philo is putting the camera in the ceiling of R.J. Fletcher's office, we see a pencil in his mouth. In the next shot, the pencil's gone. Revealing mistakes: When Joe Earley loses his thumb in the table saw and lifts his arm to examine the wound, briefly his thumb can be seen bent underneath his hand. Continuity: When interviewing the shop teacher, the amount of blood on George's shirt changes from shot to shot after being sprayed by the stump. Continuity: Just after George gets the rest of the money he needs at the end of the movie, Kuni repeatedly moves from setting off the switch on the fireworks to standing with the rest of the crowd between shots. Continuity: Indiana Jones cuts off the left arm of the gunman, but when we see the fake arm lying on the ground it has a right hand. This mistake is mentioned on the DVD commentary. Continuity: When Philo gives the two wires to George, he wears a glove on his left hand. In the shot where he corrects the distance between the wires, the glove is gone. Crew: When we see the apartment from outside, a car drives in front of the camera, and the camera, the cameraman, and offstage actors are reflected in the side of the car. Continuity: When Stanley Spadowsky is tied up in the broom closet and realizes his beloved mop is in the room with the thugs, he has an orange bandana around his neck. When he breaks free of his ropes and jumps out of the broom closet, the bandana disappears. Continuity: Before the shot in which Kuni changes the board to read $75,000, you can see the board changing to read $75,000 over the crowd in the preceding shot. Continuity: When the video of R.J.'s rant is played back by Philo ("This community means about as much to me..." etc.), R.J.'s phrasing at the beginning of the rant doesn't match when he's originally heard saying it earlier in the film. Miscellaneous: During Pamela's live report with the mayor, there is no live truck, and Noodles's camera doesn't have cables or a power supply. Continuity: In the opening moments, a bad guy draws a gun with his left hand to shoot Weird Al in the back. Weird Al suddenly wheels around, takes his whip, and severs the bad guy's arm. The next scene shows the bad guy's right arm lying on the ground. Continuity: On a TV commerical for "Conan the Librarian" the time that it says the program comes on is 7:30pm. A few scenes later George is setting up the Fall UHF line up on a magnetic board - and you can see on the board that Stanley Spudosky's Club House comes on every day of the week from 7:00pm to 8:00pm. Fact errors: The "Save Our Station" clock, which appears to be fully functional otherwise, has more than 60 tick marks around it (closer to 75). (Note: this could be a deliberate error.) Continuity: The staples on the face of the Head Thug change positions inbetween shoots. Revealing mistakes: During the Rambo sequence, George's M-60 has no ammunition loaded. Continuity: The way George (as Indiana Jone) holds the sandbag changes before taking the Oscar statue. Continuity: Stanley's hands change position on the mop when he is fired from Channel 8. Also, blue tape indicates where he is to hold it. CHAR: George is essentially selling off 100% of the station in the form of stock, since $75,000 is what his Uncle valued the station at. All R.J. would need to do is send intermediaries over to the station to quietly buy a controlling interest and he could shut the station down anyway, and save some money besides. Being the cutthroat businessman that he is, he should have realized this immediately. Continuity: In the scene where R.J. Fletcher meets Harvey Bilchik at the airport to close the business deal R.J. puts the briefcase on the back end of the limo but when the limo drives off the briefcase is nowhere to be found and is assumed that R.J is holding it in the next shot. |
Quotes
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George Newman: I need a drink. Bob: You don't drink. George Newman: Yeah, but I've been meaning to start. [watching a cartoon when Bob tells George whether to finish the show since Teri won't talk to him] Stanley Spadowski: Watch out, Mr. Coyote! [sound effect on TV] Aww, it's terrible. Crazy Ernie: If nobody comes down here and buys a car in the next hour, I'm gonna club this baby seal. That's right! I'm gonna club this seal to make a better deal. You know I'll do it, too, cause I'm crazy. Stanley Spadowski: This is my new mop. George, my friend, he gave me this mop. This is a pretty good mop. It's not as good as my first mop. I miss my first mop, but this is still a good mop. Sometimes you just hafta take what life gives ya, 'cause life is like a mop and sometimes life gets full of dirt and crud and bugs and hairballs and stuff... you, you, you gotta clean it out. You, you, you gotta put it in here and rinse it off and start all over again and, and sometimes, sometimes life sticks to the floor so bad you know a mop, a mop, it's not good enough, it's not good enough. You, you gotta get down there, like, with a toothbrush, you know, and you gotta, you gotta really scrub 'cause you gotta get it off. You gotta really try to get it off. But if that doesn't work, that doesn't work, you can't give up. You gotta, you gotta stand right up. You, you gotta run to a window and say, "Hey! These floors are dirty as hell, and I'm not gonna take it any more!" George Newman: Lesbian Nazi Hookers Abducted by UFOs and Forced Into Weight Loss Programs... all next week on Town Talk. Pamela Finklestein: "Broads don't belong in broadcasting"? Is that the kind of professional courtesy you teach your news department? R.J. Fletcher: Why, that's a terrible thing. I don't know how many time I've told those boys, never call chicks broads. Stanley Spadowski: I'm thinkin' of something orange. Something orange. Give up? It's an orange. [laughs] Ok, now I'm thinkin' of something blue. Something bluuuuuue. [George and Bob just got fired again] Bob: How could you do this to me? I knew this was gonna happen. George Newman: You're right, Bob. I'm sorry. What can I say? I-I'm a miserable worthless hunk of slime. Here, I want you to take this crowbar and... just bash my head right in! Go ahead. Really. Please! Just BASH it right in! Bob: George, you know I can't do that. You still owe me five bucks. [afterlosing his thumb in a table saw] Joe Earley: Can you believe this? Would you look at that? Just call me "Mr. Butterfingers." I think it's on the floor somewhere. Is my face red. [On the game show, "Wheel of Fish", Phyllis Weaver has just spun the wheel and landed on a red snapper] Kuni: Ahhh, a red snapper. Mmmmm, very tasty. Okay, Weaver, listen carefully. You can hold on to your red snapper... [Hiro-San emerges, carrying a table with a box] Kuni: ...or you can go for what's in the box that Hiro-San is bringing down the aisle right now! What's it gonna be? [Phyllis Weaver has difficulty in choosing as the audience point to the box] Phyllis Weaver: I'll take the box. The box! [applause] Kuni: You took the box? Let's see what's in the box! [Hiro-san opens the box; the audience gasps. There is a silence] Kuni: Nothing! Absolutely nothing! STUPID! You're so STU-PIIIIIIIIIIID! Bob: I don't know about this, George. We don't know the first thing about what goes on in a television station. George Newman: Don't worry, Bob. It's just like working in a fish-market. Except you don't have to clean and gut fish all day. [In the "Spatula City" advertising commercial] Sy Greenblum: Hello, this is Sy Greenblum, president of Spatula City. I like the spatulas so much, I bought the company. Stanley Spadowski: George, you know I was wondering, like if you were traveling through outer space, I mean like you're going real fast, like the speed of light, you know... hoooohhhhh... and all of a sudden you started screaming... aaaahhhhh aaaaahhhhh... Do you think your brain would blow up? Bob: Guys, I'm trying to work... Do you mind? Stanley Spadowski: I don't mind. Go right ahead... Do you mind, George? Raul Hernandez: For those of you just joining us, today we're teaching poodles how to fly. Stanley Spadowski: "These floors are dirty as hell, and I'm not gonna take it any more." [as in The Treasure of the Sierra Madre (1948)] Raul Hernandez: Badgers? Badgers? We don't need no stinking badgers. R.J. Fletcher: This is an embarrassment. A disgrace. What do you think R.J. Fletcher Senior would be saying if he were alive today? Richard Fletcher: "Help me out of this box, I can't breathe in here. Help, let me out." Stanley Spadowski: George? What's the matter? George Newman: Stanley, you don't want to know. Stanley Spadowski: Huh? Why did I ask? Philo: Hello, my name is Philo and welcome to Secrets of the Universe. Today we are going to learn how to make plutonium from common household items. George Newman: Hey, kids. Where y'wanna go? [dead silence] George Newman: That's right. To Uncle Nutzy's Clubhouse. And boy-oh-boy, are we gonna have big fun today. We're gonna have so much fun, we'll forget about how miserable we are, and how much life sucks, and how we're all gonna grow old and die someday. Little Weasle: I wanna go home. George Newman: Shut up, you little weasel! [beat] George Newman: Okay. Right now I'd like to show you one of my favorite cartoons. It's a sad, depressing story about a pathetic coyote who spends every waking moment of his life in the futile pursuit of a sadistic roadrunner who *mocks* him and *laughs* at him as he's repeatedly *crushed* and *maimed*! Hope you'll *enjoy* it! Stanley Spadowski: Oh, Joel Miller, you've just found the marble in the oatmeal. You're a lucky, lucky, lucky little boy. 'Cause you know why? You get to drink from... the FIRE HOOOOOSE! George Newman: You gotta grab life by the lips and YANK as hard as you can. Movie Announcer: Next week on U62, He's back, And this time, He's mad, Ghandi II. No more mister passive resistance, He's out to kick some butt. This is one bad mother you don't wanna mess with. Ghandi: Don't move, slimeball. Movie Announcer: He's a one man recking crew. But he also knows how to party. Ghandi: Give me a steak, medium rare Gangster: Hey, baldy! Movie Announcer: There is only one law, his law Movie Announcer: Ghandi II Raul: Not many people know this, but the turtle is nature's suction cup. [licks the bottom of a turtle, throws it towards the ceiling] Look. It sticks. Stanley Spadowski: [addressing crowd] Friends, there comes a time in every man's life when he has to look the potato of injustice right in the eye. Little Old Lady: Excuse me... aren't you R.J. Fletcher? R.J. Fletcher: So what if I am? [she knees him in the groin, he collapses in pain] George Newman: [bursts into room where Stanley is being held prisoner] Aaaaaaaaaaggghh! Killer Thug: [totally unimpressed] Who the hell is this guy? George Newman: [imitating Rambo] Oim your worst nightmare. Bum: [Recognizing R.J. Fletcher] Hey, I know you! You're the guy that gave me that double-die Denver mint penny! Oh, thanks a lot, Mister! That thing was worth a fortune! When I cashed it in, I had enough money to buy a whole bunch of shares, and, I got me a real NEAT watch! It's a Rolex! See? [shows it to Fletcher, who breaks down crying on the bum's shoulder] [last lines] Teri: Hey, George, you know those crazy dreams you're always having? You think maybe I could be in some of them from now on? George Newman: [cut to "Gone With the Wind" set, where George and Teri are dressed like Rhett Butler and Scarlett O'Hara, complete with fake Southern accents] Honey, from now on you're gonna be in all of 'em! Teri: [longingly] Oh, George... George Newman: Honey, let's leave this place right now! Let's go this very minute! Teri: No, George! Let's wait until tomorrow! George Newman: But... why? WHY? Teri: Because tomorrow... is another day. George Newman: [looks at camera] I knew she was gonna say that! [George kisses Teri, credits roll] Stanley Spadowski: [Stanley sees George sulking on ths front stoop of the station] Hey, George, is something the matter? George Newman: Stanley, you don't wanna know. Stanley Spadowski: [scratches head] Oh... then why'd I ask? Satan: [on "Town Talk"] Look, all I was trying to do was... George Newman: Oh, shut up, you pinhead! You make me SICK! [throws glass of water in his face] George Newman: Hey, Philo, great job, you really came through for us in the end! Philo: You're welcome. Well, it appears that my work on this planet is finished, so I must now return to my home planet of Zarquon. George Newman: [dubious] Oh... okay. Have fun! [Philo leaves] George Newman: [sees his uncle] Hey, uncle Harvey! Uncle Harvey: Hey, kid, way to go! I always knew you had it in you! [Behind them, unnoticed, Philo morphs into a weird alien and flashes away] Earl Ramsey: Gun control is for wimps and commies. Listen, let's get one thing straight. Guns don't kill people. I do. [Stanley is eating a watermelon] Stanley Spadowski: Mmm. This is pretty good water... [He stops and thinks about it] Stanley Spadowski: Tastes like poop. [In the TV show "Conan the Librarian"] Timid Man: Can you tell me where I can find a book on astronomy? [Conan the Librarian lifts the man up with his bare hands] Conan the Librarian: [imitating Arnold Schwarzenegger] Don't you know the Dewey Decimal System? [In the TV show "Conan the Librarian"] Young book customer: [Whimpering before Conan slices him in half] These books are a little overdue. [George and Teri make up] Teri: Hello, stranger. George Newman: Teri, what are you doing here? I thought you never wanted to see me again. Teri: Whatever gave you that idea? George Newman: Well, I guess my first clue was when you told me you never wanted to see me again. [while watching "Raul's Wild Kingdom"] Bob: Where did you find this guy? George Newman: Me? I thought you hired him. Raul Hernandez: This is my ant farm. These little guys can lift fifty times their own weight. They also spend weeks digging these little tunnels. And hey, they really hate it when you do this. [Raul picks up the ant farm and shakes it] Raul Hernandez: Oh look. They're really mad now. Pamela Finklestein: Yeah, so, can I help you? George Newman: Hi, I'm George Newman. I'm the new station manager. Pamela Finklestein: [enraged tone] Ugh! You know, when I first took this job, they told me that this position would only be temporary, and that eventually, when the time was right, I would be moved up to news which is really my forte. You know how long I've been working here? Two years! It's kind of hard to get promoted when every other week you have a new boss! This job really sucks! George Newman: [keeping his cool] Well... this is my friend Bob. R.J. Fletcher: This community means about as much to me as a festering ball of dog snot! You think I care about the pea-brained yokels of this town? If you took their combined I.Q., and multiplied it by a hundred, you might have enough intelligence to tie your shoe, if you didn't drool all over yourself first. I can't stand those sniveling maggots! They make me want to puke! But, there is one good thing about broadcasting to a town full of mindless sheep. I always know I have them exactly where I want them. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha! Teri: George, you've been bouncing from job to job ever since I've known you. You have to find some way of making your overactive imagination work for you instead of against you. [turns around and discovers that George has molded his mashed potatoes into a mountain] Teri: What are you doing? George Newman: [mimicking Richard Dryfuss in 'Close Encounters of the Third Kind'] This means something. This is important. George Newman: [picks up a frying basket from a pot of boiling oil, the blackened remains of something are seen] Well, the fries are just about done. [puts basket back in the oil] Kuni: [jumps out from behind a door marked "Supplies] Supplies! R.J. Fletcher: This is a TV studio, not a home for irresponsible pus-brains! Bob: Well... I've got good news and bad news. George Newman: Tell me the bad news first, get it over with. Bob: The bad news is, at the rate things are going, my books predict that this station will be flat broke by the end of the month. George Newman: OUCH! So, what's the good news? Bob: I lied. There is no good news. George Newman: [as "Uncle Nutsy," to Bob as "Bobbo the Clown"]... Hey, Bobbo! Wanna play a game? Look up... Look down... Now look at Mr. Frying Pan! [Hits him in the face] Uh-oh. Bobbo fall down go boom. Aw, what's the matter, Bobbo? I know! You're hungry! Have I got just the thing for you! Yes sir, clowns AND kids just can't resist the mouth-watering, lip-smacking taste of Mrs. Hackenberger's Butter Cookies! [He proceeds to stuff Bobbo's face with "cookies," which are actually dog biscuits; George has picked up the wrong box!] Right, Bobbo? That's right! And guess what, Mom? THEY'RE NUTRITIOUS, TOO! Just look at how much Bobbo here likes 'em! Mmmm, THAT'S GOOD! And don't forget, there's a nifty surprise inside every box of Mrs. Hackenberger's... [notices his mistake for the first time]... Oooops! Heh Heh, it looks like Bobbo's been eating YAPPY'S DOG TREATS! [a look of horror crosses Bobbo's face, and he runs off to the "little clowns' room."] That's right, Yappy's Dog Treats! Your dog will love that real liver-and-tuna taste... [We hear Bobbo vomiting]... With just a hint of cheese! Stanley Spadowski: Hi, George. Well, uh, I'm finished with the T.V. show. Uh, what do you want me to do now? George Newman: Did you have a good time in there, Stanley? Stanley Spadowski: Yeah! Oh, boy, it was fun! George Newman: Great! How would you like to do it every day? Stanley Spadowski: Yeah! That would be neat... Oh, wait a minute - do I still get to be the janitor? George Newman: [Message left on Teri's answering machine] Teri! I'm sorry! Come on give me one more chance please! Come on Teri! Teri! Oh Oh I'm in hell! I'm in hell! Teri, Teri pick up the phone! Pick up the phone! Pick up the phone! Oh, Oh Teri! Stanley Spadowski: [in backroom of the UHF building, preparing for another fund drive. There is a knock at the back door] Who is it? Head Thug: I got a pizza here for Mr. Stanley Spadowski. Stanley Spadowski: Pizza? For me? Ohhhh-ho-ho, boy! [opens door, gets yanked through violently] Stanley Spadowski: [later, blindfolded in the backseat of a car with the three thugs] I like peppers. I looooove anchovies. 'Cause they're real fishy. Sometimes I like to get a pizza with nothin' on it but anchovies, no peppers, no olives, no onions... 'cause they're good! Killer Thug: [raises revolver] So, uh... do we kill him? Head Thug: No, no, the boss just wants us to keep him on ice for a while. Easy, easy! Stanley Spadowski: Hey, wait a minute! You guys aren't from the pizza place! [repeated line] Bum: Hey, mister! Change? You got change? Aunt Esther: [after Harvey gets home from playing poker, referring to the piece of paper in his pocket] What's this? Uncle Harvey: Oh, it's the deed to channel 62. I won it with a pair of 7s. I was bluffing. Aunt Esther: Channel 62? Never heard of it. Uncle Harvey: I'm not surprised. More people watch the fish tank at Leo's pet store. Aunt Esther: [to George, who is at the punch bowl trying to pour punch into a poodle's mouth] Oh George, would you come here a second? [George, without thinking about it, just drops the poodle into the punch bowl and walks away] George Newman: Hey Stanley. How would you like your own TV show? [Bob opens a piece of mail and looks at it in shock] George Newman: Bob? Bob, what is it? Bob: It's the ratings! George Newman: Don't tell me we actually made the list. Bob: We're number one. George Newman: Say what? George Newman: At Least I Still Got Teri. George Newman: [He forgot all about Teri's Birthday Party] What time is it? Bob: Uh 9:30. George Newman: Oh No! George Newman: You know what? Nobody in this small town appreciates a guy with a good imagination. Bob: Well, maybe not the people at the lumber yard, or the miniature golf course, or Floyd's Fish Market, or any of the other places you worked in the last... month. Teri: George, did you get fired again? George Newman: [banging his head against a counter] Yes! Yes! It's all true! I just don't know what's wrong with me! [instantly changes his mood] George Newman: So, what's for dinner? [takes a look at what's for dinner] George Newman: Mashed potatoes! My favorite! Kuni: [George and Bob walk by karate studio, when a student comes crashing through the second-story window. He looks up to see Kuni] Hey, George! George Newman: Hey, Kuni! Beginner's class today? Kuni: Yeah, and they're so stupid! [another student crashes through the window] Kuni: STUUUUPIIIIIID! Raul Hernandez: Hey, man! This is Raul Hernandez and welcome to "Raul's Wild Kingdom" coming to you live from My Apartment! How 'bout that, huh? Okay. The first thing we're gonna do today is check out the wonderful world of turtles. This is my friend, Tommy. Tommy, say hello to the nice people. 'Hello!' Ha! Isn't he great? Okay, so... the turtle is a member of the Reptile family and he's got this hard, protective shell, which keeps predators away... also provides him with his own home when he sleeps. Oh, and he's got these tiny, teeny little legs which makes him move real slow. Not too many people know this, but the turtle is also Nature's suction cup. Watch this. [licks underside of turtle and tosses it up towards the ceiling. Off camera it makes a loud plop sound] Did you see that? It sticks! Ha! Okay, yeah... what else I got for you? Yeah, check this out! This is my ant farm. Now ants are amazing. They can carry 50 times their own weight and they work for weeks and weeks building these intricate little tunnels. And oh yeah... they hate it when you do this... [picks up ant farm and shakes it vigorously up and down] Oh look! They're really mad, now. George Newman: [watching Raul on TV with Bob] Where did you find this guy? Bob: Me? I thought you hired him. Raul Hernandez: For those of you just joining us, today we're teaching poodles how to fly. [claps his hands] Come here... come here, Foofy. Ah, Foofy. Are you psyched? Are you ready? Okay... Here we go. Get ready. And... FLY! [tosses poodle out of the apartment window. Poodle barks all the way down and hits with a loud thump] Oh, man... You know, sometimes it takes them a little longer to learn how to do it right. Okay, come on. Come on. Cheer up. Cheer up. Eh, eh, eh. Who's next? Ah, Gigi! [tosses black poodle out of the window which barks all the way down and hits with another loud thud] Ah, man! Animal Deliveryman: Raul Hernandez? Raul: Yeah. Animal Deliveryman: Got the delivery here for your next show. Raul: Oh great. What you got? Animal Deliveryman: Let's see, I got one aardvark, one flamingo, four porcupines, two armadillos, three badgers... Raul: Badgers?... Badgers?... We don't NEED no stinking Badgers! |
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